where have i even stood but the shores along Your ocean

There's been a recurring theme in my summer. How fun is that?! haha. Other than exhaustion, my recurring thoughts have been about holiness--what it is, what it looks like, what it isn't, etc. It's a big concept! One that I'm sure I'll be learning about for all of eternity. There's a song I want to share with you. If you want to put it on your itunes, it's called "What Do I Know of Holy?" and it's by Addison Road. The lyrics are as follows:

I've made You promises a thousand times
I tried to hear from heaven, but I talked the whole time
I think I made You too small
I never feared You at all, No
If You touched my face, would I know You?
Looked into my eyes, could I behold You?
What do I know of You
Who spoke me into motion?
Where have I even stood,
but the shores along your ocean?
Are You fire?
Are You fury?
Are You sacred?
Are You beautiful?
What do I know?
What do I know of holy?
I guess I thought that I had figured You out.
I knew all the stories, and I learned to talk about
How You were mighty to save
But those were only empty words on a page.
Then I caught a glimpse of who You might be.
The slightest hint of You brought me down to my knees.
What do I know of You
Who spoke me into motion?
Where have I even stood,
but the shores along your ocean?
Are You fire?
Are You fury?
Are You sacred?
Are You beautiful?
What do I know?
What do I know of holy?
What do I know of holy?
What do I know of wounds that would heal my shame?

And a God who gave life its name?

What do I know of holy?

Of the one who the angels praise?

All creation knows Your name.

On earth and heaven above,

What do I know of this love?

What do I know of You

Who spoke me into motion?

Where have I even stood,

but the shores along your ocean?

Are You fire?

Are You fury?

Are You sacred?

Are You beautiful?

What do I know?

What do I know of holy?

I love that song. It's quite the convictor... I'm not sure if that's a word or not, but whatevs. I'm excited about what else I can learn about holiness. I know it's something I'll never be able to grasp, but that doesn't mean I'm not going to try. It's one of those things that could be completely overwhelming and completely reassuring all at the same time. Crazy. Speaking of crazy...I'm reading "Crazy Love" by Francis Chan right now. Parker read it, loved it, and suggested I read it too. So far so good. I have to finish it by Friday because it belongs to Amanda, and I'm leaving Atlanta on Saturday morning (I have crazy mixed emotions about this...it's a topic for another blog completely). So I've gotta read! And buy yellow leggings for "Superhero night" tomorrow. I'm going to be Mighty Mouse, and I'm excited about it! :) AND I have to find/buy something for my sister's wedding shower which is on Satuday as soon as I get back into town. Fun times. Geez Louise!

PS: If you go to FBA, and don't know the Haines family...shame on you. They are fantastic. Another fantastic thing?? "Julie and Julia".

for eternity. all my heart will give. all the glory to Your name.

I love visitors. And I love Atlanta. good combo.

Last weekend, my little sisters came and stayed with me. I picked them up outside of Chattanooga on Friday night. We got to Atlanta around midnight. On Saturday, we went to H&M, The Varsity, IKEA, Fellini's Pizza, and hung out with some friends. Sunday we went to church, Chili's, took naps, went to Buckhead Church, and to Parker's host home for dinner. Monday was the first day of VBS, so they went with me and I took them back to Chattanooga on Monday evening. We had a great time, and I'm so glad they came to visit me!

This week was VBS. When I got there Monday morning, I thought I'd be helping with recreation. Soon after that, I found myself teaching a 4-year-old class. It actually turned out to be pretty fun, but it was also completely exhausting. It's now Friday afternoon. I'm laying on Amanda's couch watching Law & Order SVU and blogging. Maclane, Amanda, Parker, Kerrie, Samuel, Anna, and I met the SLU 101 group from Two Rivers at The Varsity today. It was good to see everyone! Tonight is Family Night which is basically a mini carnival in the church parking lot. I'm looking forward to it, and hope I have enough energy to buy a funnel cake and ride the swings. :)

And later tonight, the lovely Heather Pierce will be driving to Atlanta to visit me! I think the plan is for us to relax. I am so looking forward to it! I need some good Heather time.

For now...it's nap time. :)

Beach Camp Ooo Ah Ah

I couldn't help it. We watched Finding Nemo on the way down to Destin... :)

So beach camp is over. Weird. My whole internship up to this point has all but revolved around this event, and it has now come and gone. In spite of some drama and unfortunate situations that always accompany student events, we had a wonderful week of worship and beach time. I made some new friends, strengthened old friendships, and learned a lot about FBA, myself, and my God. All circumstances aside, I love the students at FBA. My heart breaks for some of them because they don't yet realize how much God loves them. My heart rejoices as I watch others live lives that show the love of our God.

Sometimes when I'm away from a ministerial setting, I wonder if I have to do it...but after a week like this I have to think "how could I not??" Ministry is such an exhausting blessing. It makes my life. Literally. I don't know what I would be without it. I'm afraid of what I would be without it. God is so so so good. How can I not try to show and teach that?

My life was blessed by the other leaders, my fellow staff members, the band (EXODUS), the speaker (Brent Crowe), and the illusionist (Drew Worsham). All of these people have such gloriously huge hearts. It was an incredible privilege to get to serve alongside them for a little while. I'm anxious to worship with all of them again--whether it's on this life or the life yet to come.

Am I tired? Duh. Would I go back tomorrow? Absolutely.

bright lights, big city

Some people don't consider Atlanta "big", but when you've lived 20 minutes outside of Nashville, TN in an itty bitty town called Pleasant View your entire life like I have...Atlanta is big. I've been here for just over a week, and I love it. Everyone I encounter on a daily basis is wonderful. I have already (in 7 days) learned so much about ministry. I'm overwhelmed by what the rest of the summer could hold.

[Important characters in this story include.... Kristen (girls ministry director), Amanda (student ministry assistant), Parker (co-intern), Maclane (student minister), Andrew (full time intern), Tony (student worship pastor)]

Last Wednesday was my first day in the office. Wednesdays are 12 hour days here at FBA, so I started off with a bang. :) I got into town at 10 on Tuesday night because I kept thinking of things to do in Nashville before I left. I met a little over half of my host family (there are 8 of them. yep. eight.), and unpacked. Then Wednesday was spent doing mostly administrative "welcome to the staff" stuff like getting our badges and filling out paper work. It was glorious. haha. I also discovered on Wednesday that Kristen and I would be taking a trip to Anderson, South Carolina on Thursday. (Surprise!)

Thursday:6:45am:Kristen and I leave for Anderson University--the site of our Girls Retreat this summer. We arrived around 9, after stopping at Starbucks, of course, and had a wonderful morning with Becky Walker--who is potentially the most adorable and loving woman in existence. We fell in love with the campus and feel like God is orchestrating everything perfectly for our little trip in July. There's still so much to do, but we wish it was tomorrow instead of over a month away.

One of the wonderful things about working at FBA is that we have Fridays off. We make up for it by working 12 hours on Wednesdays and 4 hours on Sundays. So Friday and Saturday were wonderful, sleepy days for me. Friday night I had dinner with Parker's host fam and Saturday night their son[Grant] took us to a great pizza place called "Fellini's" and drove us around downtown. It was so relaxing and great. I'm very thankful for the fast friends I've been blessed with here! We finished our Saturday night off at Amanda's apartment eating brownies and watching Saturday Night Live (hosted by Will Ferrell = hilarious).

My first Sunday was a little unusual because it was Senior Recognition day. We have 2 Sunday School hours/services on Sundays, so Andrew and I did a few songs in the first service. Then we had brunch for the seniors and their families, and the second hour was devoted to the Student Choir and the recognition of our seniors. There are lots of them. :) It was a great, celebratory day and we viewed it as a complete success!

Sunday afternoon was spent with my host family. We played Rook and had family movie night. I've been so blessed with a place to stay and such a fun family to spend time with this summer! There are 8 of them, so life is a little like a sitcom most of the time. It's a blast!

Monday was my first real office day. I don't remember much about it... probably because it was Monday. haha. Maclane took us to the pastor/director meeting, so we got to meet some of the pastors and ministry directors on staff. There are so many people here! And they're all wonderful! Monday night was spent at Parker's host home again. This time it was to meet and celebrate a girl named Jackie who is an on campus missionary at the University of Florida.

Tuesday was spent deep inside a bag full of medical supplies that were either covered in cough syrup or outdated... so Amanda and I made a list of things we needed to purchase. It was fun. haha. Also on Tuesday afternoon, a paralyzed man and his wife came to FBA from Raleigh, North Carolina to be baptized. They watch Dr. Stanley on TV, and contacted the church to ask about accomodations for baptism. The staff here was so great and helpful and this man and his wife were able to be baptized together even though it was seemingly impossible. It was a blessing to be a part of something so meaningful to this couple!

And now today... I've been here again for 12 hours. :) I like Wednesdays. Today Amanda and I went to Wal-Mart to get new supplies for the med bag. When we got back, Tony informed me that I would be leading worship tonight since he's been sick for A WHILE now and just went to the doctor today... (Tonight went really well and was very fun!) Then we went on a work lunch thing to celebrate Kristen's 5 year anniversary at FBA and Andrew's 4 year anniversary. We took a church van. Amanda drove. We were headed to the Mall of Georgia where Stephen [the soon to be new associate student pastor] was meeting us for lunch. We were about a mile away when we ran over a drive shaft.

******it's now Sunday...see how much free time I have?? haha.******
so anyway. We ran over a drive shaft. And we got a flat tire. So we spent 90 minutes on the side of the road changing the tire. The van didn't have a complete jack; a Suwanee police officer didn't have a jack; lots of "gentlemen" in large trucks honked at us as they drove by, but didn't stop; Stephen had to bring us the jack in his truck. So we eventually made it to PF Chang's at the Mall of Georgia--where 8 warm and tired people ate lunch. It was an adventure, to say the least!

Thursday was rather uneventful in comparison. We spent a significant amount of time cleaning and moving things in our offices to prepare for Stephen's arrival on Tuesday and the construction that will be done while we're at camp. We also spent some time at Goodwill in the afternoon getting some wonderful clothes for camp. :)

I'm going to try to post again tonight about my crazy weekend. But there's the update so far!! Loves.

i have too much to say...

Oh man. It is a little after 11am on Monday...
in news unrelated to anything else:

• I just watched a girl walk confidently into the men's restroom in the library. She promptly turned around and sheepishly walked out. :)
• I need a camera because this blog would benefit greatly from some pictures.
• The "word verification" step you have to take to post a comment baffles me. They aren't even real words! What am I verifying?!
• I'm thankful that my friends are more consistent bloggers than I have turned out to be. Hopefully this summer I will be better.
• I love shoes from GAP. I also love buying shoes. It's a good combo.

Real news--in order of importance--from least to greatest: (I'll use bullets for this too. Why not?)

• I am ready for school to be over, but I am not ready for summer. I would like a nap first. I'm really excited about interning at First Baptist Atlanta with Maclane, Parker, and the rest of the wonderful staff this summer, but I do wish I had a small break. As things are, my last final is May 12th at 8am...and my first day in the office in Atlanta is May 13th. This means I have to pack in the midst of finals, and move to Atlanta on Tuesday afternoon(hopefully during a period of less traffic...).
• Speaking of school, I have so much going on in the next two weeks. Tomorrow: Abnormal Psychology presentation, Review of "Contemplative Thought and Practice" articles due, Lifespan Development "Mini-Exam #3" due... Thursday: field trip to a Labyrinth, Belmont Undergraduate Research Symposium (BURS) presentation at 8:45pm... Friday: YELLOW ROSE BALL! YAY!... Saturday: work, Sycamore's Band Banquet, Kevin's "Summer's Here" party... Sunday: church, AST Alum Inductions, AST Business Meeting... Monday: Life of Christ Presentation, last Monday at J's... May 5: last day of classes... May 6: Dead Day aka pack up my life day... May 7: Lifespan Development Final, Life of Christ Final Paper Due, last real day of work at J's... May 8: History and Systems of Psychology Final, Abnormal Psychology Final, BGM Fundraiser... May 9: Nick's Graduation Party, Alayna's Prom... May 10: Mother's Day, Last Sunday at Two Rivers, last day at J's... May 11th: finish packing up my life day... May 12th: Contemplative Thought and Practice Final, drive to Atlanta... GEEZ LOUISE!! In the midst of all of this, I should probably study...

This part is too important for a bullet...

Here I am. Convicted, yet again. This time by a sticker. haha. Yesterday, my mom had these Bible verse stickers for her 5 year old Sunday School class. Autumn and I, of course, put them on. The ones we chose said "I cannot stop talking about Jesus. Acts 4:20". My friend, Brian, made the comment that we shouldn't have to wear stickers for people to know that. How true! The actual verse says (starting in verse 13...) is:

"Now when they saw the boldness of Peter and John, and perceived that they were uneducated, common men, they were astonished. And they recognized that they had been with Jesus. But seeing the man who was healed standing beside them, they had nothing to say in opposition. But when they had commanded them to leave the council, they conferred with one another, saying, "What shall we do with these men? For that a notable sign has been performed through them is evident to all the inhabitants of Jerusalem, and we cannot deny it. But in order that it may be spread no further among the people, let us warn them to speak no more to anyone in this name." So they called them and charged them not to speak or teach at all in the name of Jesus. But Peter and John answered them, "Whether it is right in the sight of God to listen to you rather than to God, you must judge, for we cannot but speak of what we have seen and heard."

Why? Why? Why? are we so ignorant? We don't need stickers. We have voices and lives. What is wrong with us? What is wrong with me? I'm sorry, Lord, that I have somehow found a way to keep silent. Let it last no longer!

Love to all who read. :)

God knows what I need... You know what I need.

I have recently been highly convicted about the time that I spend on facebook. So, with it being Palm Sunday--the beginning of a week where My Savior literally gave up His life for me-- I'm giving up facebook for Him. For now, it's only for the week...kind of a nice cap on lent...but we will see where we are next Sunday night. I'm hoping, and have full faith, that this will be the beginning of a less time consuming friendship between me and facebook. I have actually been called the T-Rex of facebook before. No lie. I think it was because I showed up on this person's newsfeed all the time even though we weren't friends. Don't worry. We are now. haha. Instead of facebook, I'll be carrying my pocket sized Bible in my purse, and anytime I have the urge to check someone's profile or confirm my friend requests... I'm going to read David's power ballads and Paul's cool missionary stories instead. I still have facebook mobile, so it isn't gone completely, and I can get important messages. But that also means I'll only be practicing defensive facebooking this week. If you need me, call me. It's so much more personal than blue and white websites. (ps i like texting too) I'll still be on a computer because I have a paper due on Tuesday, and my teachers like to communicate through e-mail. I'll probably blog a bit too.

In other news, I have wonderful friends. They have literally come out of the woodworks since all this break-up crap happened. I am an extremely blessed girl (almost) from coast to coast. How exciting!

In still more news... I'm facing a potentially awkward situation. My sorority formal is coming up, and I have to decide if I'm taking a date by the 13th. That's a week from tomorrow for my dense readers... when I had a boyfriend who lived out of town, I was totally not concerned about going alone. Now that thought makes me want to throw up. Now that I am, once again, not dating anyone, I don't want to go alone. But who do I ask??? Can I take a good girl friend of mine?? Is that allowed? haha. Should I ask a good guy friend? I feel like it would be awkward, but I don't know. Should I just go alone?? Arggg. Dilemmas.

Oh well. It's Passion Week. There are more important things to think about between now and next Monday.

first of all, i cannot take credit for these words. they came from the lovely Kim Thomas at The Village Chapel's Tuesday night women's Bible Study... but, oh boy, did they ever speak to my soul!

this was the 3rd of a 4 week series leading up to Easter...the topic? Deserts: what it means, how we get there, what's the point, etc...Here is what my notes say:

Deserts

What keeps us in the desert? What are we missing? We're underfed...underthriving.

We have to get over ourselves and wade through the storms and sit in the deserts.

Some form of desert is mentioned over 300 times in Scripture...mostly referring to a Spiritual drought.

Deserts can be an incubator for growth. (David...Jesus...You and Me)

The Metaphor:

• uncultivated wilderness--lack of productivity; barren; no fruit; no growth
• waterless place--dry; nothing flowing; land of no resource
• solitary place--loneliness; no distractions; rest; quiet; boring

Deserts can be good, or they can be bad.

Does God always bring you out of the desert?

yes, but maybe not in this lifetime...

How do we get there?

1. carelessly wander (sometimes intentional due to rebellion or disobedience...needs repentance)
2. led by the enemy (Spiritual Warfare)
3. led by God (time of refinement)

Dangers:

1. Heat--we are tempted, tested, and tried
2. Dehydration--we are not Spiritual camels; it doesn't take much to become dehydrated; dehydration effects your mind too
3. falls, sprains, breaks due to rough terrain--making bad decisions or choices

Be hypervigilent...there's no safe place to step, just less dangerous places.

Benefits:

• Hope is renewed. Isaiah 35:1-4
• Newness. Isaiah 43:18-19 -- God is making us holy; drawing us closer to Him.
• Thirsty for the Lord. Psalm 42:1-4
• Resets us. Psalm 42:5-8 -- Things you don't need are lost. Things you do need are saved.
• Reminds us. Psalm 107:1-9

We only recognize these as blessings after we've been in the desert.

Deserts remind us of our want and need for God.

The story of the Bible begins in a garden, runs through the desert, and ends with a new heaven and a new earth -- the opposite of the desert.

One other thing Kim said that really resonated with me is that we are always asking God for something or waiting on Him. When we are in the desert, we ask for rain and water. When the floods come, we ask when the rain is going to stop... we are such whiners! I want to embrace the seasons of my life no matter what they look like. Hope you will too.