Tuesday, March 17, 2009

waking up is hard to do; sleep is impossible too...

I need to recharge. I need a break after my spring break because my break was filled with tears and difficult conversations and the ending of an almost year long relationship. I'm broken...

...but I won't be forever. I know the Lord can and will restore my heart. He is teaching me that through His word and His children. I have been reminded of how wonderful my friends are, and that there are still people who love me.
There are Psalms that I think of as the "power ballads" of the Bible, and that's where I've been recently...specifically Psalm 34. David wrote it when he was thanking the Lord for protecting him from Abimelech when he was running from Saul. David chose to take matters into his own hands and pretend to be insane so they wouldn't kill him, but God protected him anyway. This psalm is David's power ballad of thanksgiving:
I will extol the Lord at all times; his praise will always be on my lips.
My soul will boast in the Lord; let the afflicted hear and rejoice.
Glorify the Lord with me; let us exalt his name together.
I sought the Lord, and he answered me; he delivered me from all my fears.
Those who look to him are radiant; their faces are never covered with shame.
This poor man called, and the Lord heard him; he saved him out of all his troubles.
The angel of the Lord encamps around those who fear him, and he delivers them.
Taste and see that the Lord is good; blessed is the man who takes refuge in him.
Fear the Lord, you his saints, for those who fear him lack nothing.
The lions may grow weak and hungry, but those who seek the Lord lack no good thing.
Come, my children, listen to me; I will teach you the fear of the Lord.
Whoever of you loves life and desires to see many good days,
keep your tongue from evil and your lips from speaking lies.
Turn from evil and do good; seek peace and pursue it.
The eyes of the Lord are on the righteous and his ears are attentive to their cry;
the face of the Lord is against those who do evil, to cut off the memory of them from the earth.
The righteous cry out, and the Lord hears them;
he delivers them from all their troubles.
The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and
saves those who are crushed in spirit.
A righteous man may have many troubles, but the Lord delivers him from them all;
he protects all his bones, not one of them will be broken.
Evil will slay the wicked; the foes of the righteous will be condemned.
The Lord redeems his servants; no one will be condemned who takes refuge in him.

So I'm recharging through the strength and redemption of my Father. I hope to be back on a normal sleeping schedule very soon and thrown fully into the swing of school things sooner than that. I'm not okay. But I know I will be because I know the Lord is not one to just leave me hanging...

Thursday, March 5, 2009

RHS--Restless Heart Syndrome...

I've been convicted lately about a lot of things. The most prevolent in my mind is the fact that I don't talk nearly as much as I used to. For those of you who know me, that may have caused a laugh... I still talk just as much--maybe more--but what I'm saying is worth less. I used to put stock in my words. I used to give advice that didn't come from a textbook. It came from my heart. I miss those words and the deep friendships that blossomed from them. I'm in the process of attempting to reconnect with that part of myself and that conversational part of God. I get so busy that I talk at God instead of to God--so what then do I glean from the experience?? A tired mind and a restless heart. I want a renewed mind and a full, contented heart so that I can pour into those around me. Pray for me.