Day 31: "The Power of the Cross"

When I started writing this month, I figured I would write about a mix of songs...Christian and "other". Just whatever songs I felt like writing about. However, a distinct theme has developed over the last 31 days. That theme is Jesus. Everything in my life is affected by Jesus. How could I write about anything else? This last song is what it's all about. Jesus gave His life for us and makes it possible for us to live. Without His sacrifice, nothing else matters. 

"The Power of the Cross"

Oh, to see the dawn

Of the darkest day:

Christ on the road to Calvary.

Tried by sinful men,

Torn and beaten, then

Nailed to a cross of wood. 

This, the pow'r of the cross:

Christ became sin for us;

Took the blame, bore the wrath—

We stand forgiven at the cross. 

Oh, to see the pain

Written on Your face,

Bearing the awesome weight of sin.

Ev'ry bitter thought,

Ev'ry evil deed

Crowning Your bloodstained brow. 

This, the pow'r of the cross:

Christ became sin for us;

Took the blame, bore the wrath—

We stand forgiven at the cross. 

Now the daylight flees;

Now the ground beneath

Quakes as its Maker bows His head.

Curtain torn in two,

Dead are raised to life;

"Finished!" the vict'ry cry.

This, the pow'r of the cross:

Christ became sin for us;

Took the blame, bore the wrath—

We stand forgiven at the cross. 

Oh, to see my name

Written in the wounds,

For through Your suffering I am free.

Death is crushed to death;

Life is mine to live,

Won through Your selfless love. 

This, the pow'r of the cross:

Son of God—slain for us.

What a love! What a cost! 

We stand forgiven at the cross.

Day 30: "My Everything" and "Always Enough"

With these last two days of the 31, I want to be as transparent as possible about what is really important. There was a time in my life when I thought I was going to be single forever. It wasn't just a month or two where I didn't have a "love interest". I really believed that singleness was part of God's plan for my life. And it was. For that season. What I learned then is that Jesus is enough. He is more than enough. He loves us so well that we do not need anything else. We don't need love from our parents. We don't need love from our siblings. We don't need love from our friends. We don't need love from a spouse or boyfriend/girlfriend. We just need Jesus. If we have all of those other things or even one of those other things, that is extra. Everything is extra! Jesus owes us nothing, but gives us everything. More importantly, He gives us Himself, and that is all we need. If we are not made complete by Jesus, then nothing else is going to make us feel complete. You can have a perfect life by the world's standards and still feel totally empty inside. Nothing matters outside of our relationship with Christ. It is through Him that we are made whole. It is through Him that we can love and forgive others and even have relationships at all. Without Him we have nothing. With Him we have everything because we have Jesus. I wanted to include both of these songs (both by Kari Jobe) because this is what I'm trying to say! Jesus is it! If you're searching for ANYTHING, it can be found in Jesus!

"My Everything"

Rendered speechless by Your beauty
Lord, I'm blown away
With everything that's in my heart
A million words could never say all there is to say

You're more than just a song, You're more than just a whim
You're more than just a passing fantasy
You're my Everyday
You're my Every Way
You're my Everything

If I could see forever
In just one moment I would say
These todays are worth tomorrow
When I will see You face to face

I want to be with You
I need to be with You
I long to be with You, precious King
So with every day, Lord, in every way
You're my Everything

You're my Everything
You're my Everything
You're my Everything, Oh Jesus
You're my Everything

You're my Everyday
You're my Every Way
You're my Everything

"Always Enough"

I lift my hands to the highest of all
As I draw near
Surrender my life to Your promise, oh God
There is no other

I will find my life in You
You're always enough
Always enough
Let the fullness of Your love
Be all I need
All I need

Consume me, come like a fire, oh God
Reign in me
For You alone will satisfy
There is no other

I will find my life in You
You're always enough
Always enough
Let the fullness of Your love
Be all I need
All I need

If I have You, I have everything
But without You, I have nothing

Day 29: "Just Be Held"

I wear a ring almost every day that says "be still". It's scrolled out with the metal of the ring, and the underside is inscribed with Psalm 46:10..."be still and know that I am God." That's an easy verse to give to someone else who is hurting, but when we're the ones in pain, it's the hardest thing to do. There has been a lot of hurt in the lives of people I love here lately, and there's nothing I can do about it. Other people in my life are having happy times of celebration, and sometimes it's hard to balance all of it. The truth is, we can't do any of it on our own. We can't know real joy and happiness outside of Jesus. We can't make it through the pain without Him either. Here on earth, Jesus knew both happy times and sorrow. He was celebrated in Jerusalem one day, and a few days later some of those same people were calling for His death. Even though it was part of God's plan for Him to die, it still probably hurt to hear people passionately hate Him so openly. He had friends betray Him. He felt the sorrow of losing friends and loved ones. He also knew the joy of restoring sight to the blind, mobility to the crippled, purity to the lepers, and life to the dead. Jesus experienced every emotion that we face, but He's often the last place we turn when we are facing it ourselves. We try so hard when we really just need to rest. It may not all make sense here, but He knows. We may face unspeakable horrors, but He can still redeem it. Even if we feel like there's no way God can still love us, use us, forgive us...He still can and He still does. He never stops. He never gives up. He never leaves.

"Just Be Held"

Hold it all together
Everybody needs you strong
But life hits you out of nowhere
And barely leaves you holding on

And when you're tired of fighting
Chained by your control
There's freedom in surrender
Lay it down and let it go

So when you're on your knees and answers seem so far away
You're not alone, stop holding on and just be held
Your world's not falling apart, it's falling into place
I'm on the throne, stop holding on and just be held
Just be held, just be held

If your eyes are on the storm
You'll wonder if I love you still
But if your eyes are on the cross
You'll know I always have and I always will

And not a tear is wasted
In time, you'll understand
I'm painting beauty with the ashes
Your life is in My hands

So when you're on your knees and answers seem so far away
You're not alone, stop holding on and just be held
Your world's not falling apart, it's falling into place
I'm on the throne, stop holding on and just be held
Just be held, just be held

Lift your hands, lift your eyes
In the storm is where you'll find Me
And where you are, I'll hold your heart
I'll hold your heart
Come to Me, find your rest
In the arms of the God who wont let go

So when you're on your knees and answers seem so far away
You're not alone, stop holding on and just be held
Your world's not falling apart, it's falling into place
I'm on the throne, stop holding on and just be held
Just be held, just be held

Day 28: "Beautiful"

I have a playlist or "station" on Spotify that I titled "singy songs" because they are songs I love to sing along with. Some of them are catchy, but most of them are moving in some way. There are 20 songs on that list, and 17 of them are about Jesus. There is just something about worship music that blows my mind. A song doesn't have to be loud or complicated. It can be the simplest melody and just a few words, and it can still shake people. Worship music is about the attitude of your heart as you sing, listen, or pray through a song. Since worship doesn't just mean music, it's more about what you've spent time doing before that moment than what is happening or being played at any particular time. Some people think you have to sing along to really experience a song, but sometimes just letting the lyrics wash over you as you sing in your heart is better. I can't wait to get to Heaven because we will be praising and singing songs of praise all the time, and I think it will be amazing. This song is one from my Spotify list. It's not complicated. It's just true and real.

"Beautiful"

Here before Your alter
I am letting go of all I've held
Of every motive, every burden
Everything that's of myself

And I just wanna wait on You, my God
I just wanna dwell on who You are

Beautiful, beautiful
Oh, I am lost for more to say
Beautiful, beautiful
Oh Lord You're beautiful to me

Here in Your presence
I am not afraid of brokenness
To wash Your feet with humble tears
I would be poured out till nothing's left

And I just wanna wait on You, my God
I just wanna dwell on who You are

Beautiful, beautiful
Oh, I am lost for more to say
Beautiful, beautiful
Oh Lord You're beautiful to me

Beautiful
You're beautiful, oh You're beautiful
Beautiful, beautiful

Holy, holy, holy You are, You are
Holy, holy, holy You are, You are
Holy, holy, holy You are, You are
Holy, holy, holy You are, You are

Beautiful, beautiful
Oh, I am lost for more to say
Beautiful, beautiful
Oh Lord You're beautiful to me

You're beautiful
Beautiful, beautiful
Beautiful, beautiful
Beautiful

Day 27: "Flawless" (Not Beyonce)

Have you ever misheard lyrics? I know I'm not the only one who has because Jimmy Fallon has a whole hashtag about it. There's a song called "T-R-O-U-B-L-E" by Travis Tritt, and when I was little I thought the words were "I spilt tea all over your BLT." Which is, you know,  a legitimate reason to write a song. You gotta tell em their sandwich is soggy. No good.

Anyway...that hasn't happened to me in a long time, but recently I figured out I was singing this song completely wrong (full disclosure: I also thought Building 429's song "I press on" was called "Happy Song" and I was really confused about it.) This song says "The cross has made you flawless." However, I was hearing "The cross has made you promise" which is just bad theology. Jesus didn't make us promise anything to Him. He didn't wait to die until we agreed to do our part. He just did it anyway. Even though He knew we were going to keep messing up over and over again. Just like this song says, it's never too late! As long as you have breath in your lungs, you can have Jesus and His life and His love and His grace and His mercy and His forgiveness and all you have to do is give up trying to do it all yourself! That's it! Just admit to God that you are just messing it all up and you cannot do it anymore. He has to take over. He wants to take over our lives. Not in a creepy possessed kind of way, but in a He knows way better than we ever will kind of way. We just have to stop trying to control it and let Him take it all over. Honestly, even in the times when I am most anxiously trying to control everything, I don't really want to. I am just believing the lies from the devil that are telling me I have to work harder, do more, be more, and I certainly can't give up. But God says "go ahead and give it up. You don't have to work harder or do anything differently. You can come just as you are. I already love you." We don't have to promise God anything in order to get salvation, but we do GET to promise ourselves to God. God never breaks His promises, but He is always willing to forgive and forget when we break ours. And we will. We always do. He stays perfect through our imperfection. He stays faithful through our unfaithfulness. He stays close through our drifting. He just wants you. That's it. You don't have to bring anything, but you will still want to. When you experience God's grace, you will want to promise Him everything and give Him all you have. And all we have is our own life. Thankfully, all we have to give is exactly what He wants.

Don't mishear these lyrics. And be careful with your tea around other peoples' sandwiches.

"Flawless" (MercyMe)

There's got to be more
Than going back and forth
From doing right to doing wrong
‘Cause we were taught that's who we are
Come on get in line right behind me
You along with everybody
Thinking there's worth in what you do

Then like a hero who takes the stage when
We're on the edge of our seats saying it's too late
Well let me introduce you to amazing grace

No matter the bumps
No matter the bruises
No matter the scars
Still the truth is
The cross has made
The cross has made you flawless
No matter the hurt
Or how deep the wound is
No matter the pain
Still the truth is
The cross has made
The cross has made you flawless

Could it possibly be
That we simply can't believe
That this unconditional
Kind of love would be enough
To take a filthy wretch like this
And wrap him up in righteousness
But that's exactly what He did

Take a breath smile and say
Right here right now I'm ok because
The cross was enough

Then like a hero who takes the stage when
We're on the edge of our seats saying it's too late
Well let me introduce you to grace grace
God's grace

No matter what they say
Or what you think you are
The day you called His name
He made you flawless

Day 26: "Good to Me"

Audrey Assad has magic in her voice and her pen. She writes my prayers and she doesn't even know it. I have mentioned it already this month, but I love it when I hear songs that feel like I could have written them if I had the words for it. They proclaim the cry of my heart or at least the cry I want to come from my heart. This song is no exception. God is so good to us and nothing can steal our joy. Even when it seems like nothing is going right and everything is falling all around us, we can rest in Him and put our trust in Him and He will still be good.

"Good to Me"

I put all my hope on the truth of Your promise
and I steady my heart on the ground of Your goodness
When I’m bowed down with sorrow I will lift up Your name
and the foxes in the vineyard will not steal my joy

Because You are good to me, good to me
You are good to me, good to me
You are good to me

I lift my eyes to the hills where my help is found
Your voice fills the night, raise my head up and hear the sound
Though fires burn all around me I will praise You, my God
and the foxes in the vineyard will not steal my joy

Because You are good to me, good to me
You are good to me, good to me
You are good to me

Your goodness and mercy shall follow me
all my life
I will trust in Your promise

Because You are good to me, good to me
You are good to me, good to me
You are good to me

Day 25: "Hard to Get"

I was in Nashville this weekend for a wedding, but I also got to hear my uncle preach at the church where he is now the pastor. It is the church where my grandparents were married, where my grandfather got saved, answered the call to preach and was ordained, and where my grandparents are buried. Last month, my aunt and uncle moved from Arkansas so he could be the newest pastor of that church. It's a legacy church. A family church. It is growing so much that they are about to build a new building. I think my grandparents would be so thrilled if they could see it today. They would also be so proud of my uncle. He has had a very full two months there so far, and this weekend was no exception. Late on Saturday night, a teenage boy was killed in a car accident. His family goes to my uncle's church. My uncle was with the family for most of the night after the accident, and then he still preached in the Sunday morning service. His sermon was timely and appropriate and filled with wisdom that can only come from God. But before he preached, he took his suit jacket off and put on his guitar and sang this song. It is a song that was written by Rich Mullins but was never properly recorded by him because he died before he could make his next album. Rich Mullins was writing songs that he felt gave a glimpse of the life of Jesus. This particular song is about being heartbroken, lonely, uncertain, and having questions that we may never know the answers to. It is an honest song that paints a vivid picture of how we feel when we don't understand what is happening in our lives and it feels like God is far away. It was a very appropriate song for the situation and for the church family this weekend, but it can also apply to many other situations in life. There are things about God that we will never understand in our human, sinful minds. There are many of those things that we don't need to understand, and that is a hard thing to get our minds around. We want to know what's going on. We don't want to have questions. We don't want to only see the next step. We want to know how the whole process is going to go and what we're going to look like and feel like and be like at the end. But sometimes we don't get to know those things. We just get to know God. And that is enough. He is enough.

"Hard to Get"

You who live in heaven
Hear the prayers of those of us who live on earth
Who are afraid of being left by those we love
And who get hardened by the hurt

Do you remember when You lived down here where we all scrape
To find the faith to ask for daily bread
Did You forget about us after You had flown away
Well I memorized every word You said

Still I'm so scared I'm holding my breath
While You're up there just playing hard to get

You who live in radiance
Hear the prayers of those of us who live in skin
We have a love that's not as patient as Yours was
Still we do love now and then

Did You ever know loneliness
Did You ever know need
Do You remember just how long a night can get?
When You were barely holding on
And Your friends fall asleep
And don't see the blood that's running in Your sweat

Will those who mourn be left uncomforted
While You're up there just playing hard to get?

And I know you bore our sorrows
And I know you feel our pain
And I know it would not hurt any less
Even if it could be explained

And I know that I am only lashing out
At the One who loves me most
And after I figured this somehow
All I really need to know

Is if You who live in eternity
Hear the prayers of those of us who live in time
We can't see what's ahead
And we can not get free of what we've left behind
I'm reeling from these voices that keep screaming in my ears
All the words of shame and doubt blame and regret

I can't see how You're leading me unless You've led me here
Where I'm lost enough to let myself be led
And so You've been here all along I guess
It's just Your ways and You are just plain hard to get

Day 24: "Cornerstone"

I grew up singing hymns. I love hymns. What I am not a big fan of is when someone wants to "update" and hymn and all they do is add drums or an electric guitar solo or saxophones/trumpets. I personally prefer when we sing hymns as they were written, but I also appreciate it when people update hymns like this. In "Cornerstone", the verses are from "The Solid Rock", but the chorus is new. Instead of updating "The Solid Rock", they expanded on what was already there. It's almost a response to what the original hymn inspired. Because of that truth, we can also sing this chorus. Christ is the only solid and secure thing in our lives most of the time. But we can rest in the fact that He's not changing. He's not going anywhere. When everything around us falls apart, we can still be standing on a solid cornerstone if we have Jesus.

"Cornerstone"

My hope is built on nothing less
Than Jesus' blood and righteousness
I dare not trust the sweetest frame
But wholly trust in Jesus' Name

Christ alone
Cornerstone
Weak made strong
In the Savior's love
Through the storm
He is Lord
Lord of all

When darkness seems to hide His face
I rest on His unchanging grace
In every high and stormy gale
My anchor holds within the veil

Christ alone
Cornerstone
Weak made strong
In the Savior's love
Through the storm
He is Lord
Lord of all

When He shall come with trumpet sound
Oh may I then in Him be found
Dressed in His righteousness alone
Faultless stand before the throne

Christ alone
Cornerstone
Weak made strong
In the Savior's love
Through the storm
He is Lord
Lord of all

Day 23: "Jesus, Son of God"

I don't know everything about the Bible. I don't know everything about Jesus. I don't know anything about grace except that I don't deserve it but I get it anyway because Jesus loves me. I think there are a lot of things that we won't understand before we get to Heaven, and I think a lot of those things won't matter anymore once we're in the presence of God. We will forget all of our questions and it will all make sense because God is there and He will have made us complete in Him. We won't need anything else.

"Jesus, Son of God"

You came down from Heaven's throne
This Earth You formed was not Your home
A love like this the world had never known
A crown of thorns to mock Your name
Forgiveness fell upon Your face
A love like this the world had never known

On the altar of our praise
Let there be no higher name
Jesus, Son of God
You laid down Your perfect life
You are the sacrifice                
Jesus, Son of God
You are Jesus, Son of God

You took our sin You bore our shame
You rose to life You defeated the grave
A love like this the world has never known
You took our sin You bore our shame
You rose to life You defeated the grave
A love like this the world has never known

On the altar of our praise
Let there be no higher name
Jesus, Son of God
You laid down Your perfect life
You are the sacrifice                
Jesus, Son of God
You are Jesus, Son of God

Be lifted higher than all You've overcome
Your name be louder than any other song
There is no power that can come against Your love
The cross was enough The cross was enough

Day 22: "Above All"

I've had this song stuck in my head for the last few days, and I have no idea why. I haven't heard it in years, but I love it. It shows an excellent and perfect picture of the cross. Jesus paid the ultimate price for us...a bunch of whiny sinners. Amazing!

"Above All"

Above all powers, above all kings
Above all nature and all created things
Above all wisdom and all the ways of man
You were here before the world began

Above all kingdoms, above all thrones
Above all wonders the world has ever known
Above all wealth and treasures of the earth
There's no way to measure what you're worth

Crucified
Laid behind a stone
You lived to die
Rejected and alone
Like a rose
Trampled on the ground
You took the fall
And thought of me
Above all

Above all powers, above all kings
Above all nature and all created things
Above all wisdom and all the ways of man
You were here before the world began

Above all kingdoms, above all thrones
Above all wonders the world has ever known
Above all wealth and treasures of the earth
There's no way to measure what you're worth

Crucified
Laid behind a stone
You lived to die
Rejected and alone
Like a rose
Trampled on the ground
You took the fall
And thought of me
Above all

Crucified
Laid behind a stone
You lived to die
Rejected and alone
Like a rose
Trampled on the ground
You took the fall
And thought of me
Above all

Like a rose
Trampled on the ground
You took the fall
And thought of me
Above all

Day 21: "Even If (The Healing Doesn't Come)"

It's really easy to say we trust God, but it is not so easy to actually do it. I may be easy to trust Him when everything is going our way or at least when nothing bad is happening...but we also tend to forget God when everything is good. It's in the hard times that we remember to talk to God, but it's those times that make it harder to trust Him too. That's when our faith really shows. If things are not perfect, we should still believe and declare that God is still good. His goodness is not dependent on our circumstances. Our trust should not be dependent on our circumstances either. The thing about God is...He's WAY smarter than us. He knows how it's all going to work out even when it seems like we're never going to make it. He not only knows what's going on, but He's going to make all of the things work together for our good and His glory. Even when it doesn't look good from our perspective, it can still work for our good when God is in control. And, guess what. God is always in control.

"Even If (The Healing Doesn't Come)" (Kutless)

Sometimes all we have to hold on to
Is what we know is true
Of who You are
So when the heartache hits like a hurricane
That can never change who You are
And we trust in who You are

Even if the healing doesn't come
And life falls apart
And dreams are still undone
You are God You are good
Forever faithful One
Even if the healing
Even if the healing doesn't come

Lord we know Your ways are not our ways
So we set our faith in who You are
And even though You reign high above us
You tenderly love us
We know Your heart
We rest in who You are

Even if the healing doesn't come
And life falls apart
And dreams are still undone
You are God You are good
Forever faithful One
Even if the healing
Even if the healing doesn't come

You're still the Great and Mighty One
We trust You always
You're working all things for our good
We'll sing your praise

Even if the healing doesn't come
And life falls apart
And dreams are still undone
You are God You are good
Forever faithful One
Even if the healing
Even if the healing doesn't come

You are God and we will bless You
As the Good and Faithful One
You are God and we will bless You
Even if the healing doesn't come
Even if the healing doesn't come

Day 20: "Lord, I need You"

I was reminded again last night when two girls from my 12th grade girls' Life Group class were sharing their testimonies that we all have a different story. These girls are identical twins and even though people sometimes try to make them two halves of one whole, they are truly two completely whole people on their own. They are whole because Jesus made them that way. They both shared about when Jesus saved them and how they knew immediately that they were different than they had been before. The hole they felt inside was now filled with the One who made them. Both. Individually.

God loves each of us for who we are. Not for who we hang out with or who we're related to. We could be orphans with no friends and He would still choose us! That is a lesson I need to learn every single day.

Today's song was mentioned last night too. The melody is simple. The words are simple. The message is simple. But it is also truth. God's love is simple. We make it complicated and try to do instead of just being. We just need Jesus. Everything else will follow when we are filled completely with Him. Our relationships, our thoughts, our actions...they'll all reflect Him if we look to Him first and only.

"Lord, I need You" (Matt Maher)

Lord, I come, I confess
Bowing here, I find my rest
Without You, I fall apart
You're the One that guides my heart

Lord, I need You
Oh, I need You
Every hour I need You
My one defense
My righteousness
Oh, God how I need You

Where sin runs deep
Your grace is more
Where grace is found, is where You are
Where You are, Lord I am free
Holiness is Christ in me
Yes, where You are, Lord I am free
Holiness is Christ in me

Lord, I need You
Oh, I need You
Every hour I need You
My one defense
My righteousness
Oh, God how I need You

Teach my song
To rise to you
When temptation comes my way,
When I cannot stand
I'll fall on You
Jesus, You're my hope and stay

Lord, I need You
Oh, I need You
Every hour I need You
My one defense
My righteousness
Oh, God how I need You
You're my one defense,
My righteousness
Oh, God how I need You
My one defense,
My righteousness
Oh, God how I need You

Day 19: "While I'm Waiting"

Most of our lives are made up of waiting for something. Lunch. Coffee. Graduation. Marriage. Kids. Bedtime. Vacation. Our turn. We can get so caught up in the thing that we're waiting for that we miss the rest of our life. For example, a roller coaster is not typically a very time consuming experience. The ride may last 2-3 minutes, if you're lucky, but you could spend hours in line. If we spent our time in line being miserable and whining about how slowly the line is moving, we could miss out on something more important. We're probably not in a super long line by ourselves, so we could spend the time in line talking with our park buddies. Or the people next to us in line could need encouragement or a reminder that day. If we spend all of our time on our phones or focused on ourselves, we could miss out on a great opportunity to minister to someone near us.

In life, if we're focusing only on the next thing, we're never going to be happy in our present state. If we're so consumed with the next phase of life we'd like to be in, we will miss out on the beauty of life right now. Sometimes we're left waiting on an answer from God. We think we understand what needs to happen and we think we know when and how it needs to happen. We forget sometimes that we are not God and we don't know everything. Our timing is not perfect, but God's timing is. Our plans are not perfect, but God's plans are. We are really, really good at messing things up by trying to do them our own way instead of waiting on God. Look at Abraham and Sarah. God told Abraham he would be the father of many nations and that Sarah would have a baby. They were super old, so they doubted. Eventually they took matters into their own hands and created a giant mess for themselves filled with jealousy and bitterness. If they had just waited and trusted God to keep His promise, their lives would have been happier and more peaceful. Every time we think we know better than God, we're in trouble. It may not be evident immediately, but hindsight will show us that we should have just waited and trusted God to keep His promises. God cannot lie to us. He is perfect and holy and cannot be in the presence of sin. If God says it, He will do it. Our job is just to listen and obey. It should be easy because God is doing all the work, but we make it so much harder on ourselves. We are sheep and sheep are not the smartest animals, but we have a Good Shepherd who loves us and knows what is best. We need to listen and follow Him. We can patiently wait, but our waiting can also be active. We don't have to just sit on our hands and do nothing. God has not put us up on a shelf until the next thing is ready for us. He can use us in the waiting time. We can still worship Him even when we're confused and afraid. And we can always praise Him regardless of what stage we're in.

"While I'm Waiting"

I'm waiting, I'm waiting on You Lord
And I am hopeful, I'm waiting on You Lord
Though it is painful, but patiently I will wait

And I will move ahead bold and confident
Taking every step in obedience

While I'm waiting I will serve You
While I'm waiting I will worship
While I'm waiting I will not faint
I'll be running the race even while I wait

I'm waiting, I'm waiting on You Lord
And I am peaceful, I'm waiting on You Lord
Though it's not easy no, but faithfully I will wait
Yes, I will wait

And I will move ahead bold and confident
Taking every step in obedience

While I'm waiting I will serve You
While I'm waiting I will worship
While I'm waiting I will not faint
I'll be running the race even while I wait

I will move ahead bold and confident
I'll be taking every step in obedience, yeah

While I'm waiting I will serve You
While I'm waiting I will worship
While I'm waiting I will not faint

And I will serve You while I'm waiting
I will worship while I'm waiting
I will serve You while I'm waiting
I will worship while I'm waiting
I will serve You while I'm waiting
I will worship while I'm waiting on You Lord

I will serve You while I'm waiting
I will worship while I'm waiting
I will serve You while I'm waiting
I will worship while I'm waiting

Day 18: "I Will Carry You"

If you've spoken to me for more than 10 minutes, I have probably mentioned Angie Smith. I love that woman. I've never met her, but I feel like I know her from reading what she writes and following her on Instagram. We're like modern day pen pals, right? Anyway, a few years ago Angie and her husband Todd had a baby girl named Audrey that did not live for more than a couple of hours here on earth. After they found out their diagnosis, they wrote a song for their baby girl's memorial service. The result is absolutely gorgeous and heartbreaking. I've never been a parent, but I can't imagine the pain they feel. What blows my mind even more is that Todd can even sing on this song. I would lose it every time. What am I saying? I still lose it every time I even hear it.

I don't feel like I can do their story or the song justice, so I've included the links to three videos. The first one is Todd and Angie talking about Audrey and the song and the book that Angie wrote about their story. The second video is Selah performing the song. The third (if you really want to bawl your eyes out) is the song with pictures of the Smith family before and after Audrey's birth. The lyrics are at the bottom.

"I Will Carry You" the story

"I Will Carry You" the song

With Pictures 

"I Will Carry You" (Selah)

There were photographs I wanted to take
Things I wanted to show you
Sing sweet lullabies, wipe your teary eyes
Who could love you like this?

People say that I am brave but I'm not
Truth is I'm barely hanging on
But there's a greater story
Written long before me
Because He loves you like this

I will carry you
While your heart beats here
Long beyond the empty cradle
Through the coming years
I will carry you
All my life
I will praise the One Who's chosen me
To carry you

Such a short time
Such a long road
All this madness
But I know
That the silence
Has brought me to His voice
And He says ...

I've shown her photographs of time beginning
Walked her through the parted sea
Angel lullabies, no more teary eyes
Who could love her like this?

I will carry you
While your heart beats here
Long beyond the empty cradle
Through the coming years
I will carry you
All my life
I will praise the One Who's chosen me
To carry you

Day 17: "You Make Me Brave"

If songs had sequels, I think this song would be the second installment of Oceans. Both songs talk about leaving the shore and going into the waves. The only way we can keep from drowning in the ocean is by keeping our eyes on Jesus. Leaving the shore is definitely a brave move, and our bravery comes from Jesus Christ. He makes the brave and risky choices everyday. We like to hold back and see what everyone else is doing first and then decide if we're going to join. Sometimes we miss out on being a part of God's plan because we are scared. God doesn't always call us to safe and easy. Sometimes He calls us to scary and risky. The only way we can say yes to that is to call on Jesus. Tap into His bravery because He lives in us. Then He can make us brave enough to say "Yes Lord! Wherever, whenever, however, whatever You say!" That's where the freedom is found. It's not in the safety of familiar, but in the unknown of letting go and trusting in the One who actually knows what's going to happen.

22 years ago today, I said "Yes!" to Jesus for the first time. It was quite a tearful affair because, even at 6 years old, I understood that I was a sinner and I needed Jesus to be my Savior. There is no redemption outside of Him. That was the greatest decision I have ever and will ever make, and I'm so thankful that I've had 22 years with Jesus--my dearest friend. I don't always make the brave choices because I listen more to myself or to the world than to what my Best Friend is saying. He is the only one who knows how it will turn out and yet I put my trust in myself more than anything else. Just like I couldn't save myself, there's nothing else I can do for the Kingdom of God on my own. I need Jesus today as much as I did 22 years ago. I'm so glad He is constant when I am untrustworthy. He loves me when I act ugly. He is selfless when I am selfish. He holds me when I'm lonely. He welcomes me back with open arms regardless of how long I've been away. He forgives and forgets my sins even when I remember and try to remind Him of what I've done. In those moments, He reminds me of what He did on the cross and how that covers anything I ever have done or will do. He can make me brave even when I'm afraid...and that's a lot.

"You Make Me Brave" (Bethel Music)

I stand before You now
The greatness of Your renown
I have heard of the majesty and wonder of You
King of Heaven in humility I bow

As Your love, in wave after wave
Crashes over me, crashes over me
For You are for us, You are not against us
Champion of Heaven
You made a way for all to enter in

I have heard You calling my name
I have heard the song of love that You sing
So I will let you draw me out beyond the shore
Into Your grace

As Your love, in wave after wave
Crashes over me, crashes over me
For You are for us, You are not against us
Champion of Heaven
You made a way for all to enter in

You make me brave, You make me brave
You call me out beyond the shore into the waves
You make me brave, You make me brave
No fear can hinder now the Love that made a way

You make me brave, You make me brave
You call me out beyond the shore into the waves
You make me brave, You make me brave
No fear can hinder now the promises You’ve made

As Your love, in wave after wave
Crashes over me, crashes over me
For You are for us, You are not against us
Champion of Heaven
You made a way for all to enter in
To Your love in wave after wave
Crashes over me, crashes over me
For You are for us, You are not against us
Champion of Heaven
You made a way for all to enter in

Day 16: "Oceans"

If you haven't heard this song, I'm sorry. It is lovely. It is also terrifying. Annie Downs wrote about this song and encouraged us to not sing it unless we mean it. It is a big and scary prayer to sing. If you just sing it without thinking about the words, you may as well be singing Taylor Swift in church. (Disclaimer: I am not a giant Tay Tay fan, but I like her exponentially more now that she's actually intending to be a pop artist instead of a poppy country artist.) Basically, who cares what the words are if we aren't going to pay attention to them? Music is an expression. It should be a means that allows you to pray or declare or ask or intercede or celebrate in a way that you can't experience through just talking or just listening. Music crosses all kinds of boundaries and sometimes that is painful, but it is usually also beneficial. Music can allow us to see a situation or another person or ourselves differently. Music communicates. The Bible tells us that God is enthroned in the praises of His people and that He rejoices over us with singing. The Bible is filled with God's people expressing themselves through song. Sometimes it's mournful. Sometimes happy. Sometimes filled with questions. But it either elicits a response from God or is done in response to God.

We can still communicate with God through music. Through song. But we don't need to take it lightly. We don't need to sing "Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders" unless we mean it. Our words should not be empty. But, if you do mean it? If you really want to say to God "wherever You would call me" then, by all means, sing it loud and proud. God's plans rarely look like our own, but they are always exactly what He needs and what we need even when we don't recognize it at first. It may be tough, but there will always be joy and fellowship with Him if you are in His will.

If you're not quite ready to sing these words yet, this song can still give you amazing reassurance that God will never leave you if you are His. Once you accept Him and become a part of His family, there is nothing that can take you out again--not uncertainty or fear or shame or guilt. Nothing. He's never failed, and He won't start now.

"Oceans (Where Feet May Fail)"

You call me out upon the waters

The great unknown where feet may fail

And there I find You in the mystery

In oceans deep

My faith will stand

 

And I will call upon Your name

And keep my eyes above the waves

When oceans rise

My soul will rest in Your embrace

For I am Yours and You are mine

 

Your grace abounds in deepest waters

Your sovereign hand

Will be my guide

Where feet may fail and fear surrounds me

You've never failed and You won't start now

 

So I will call upon Your name

And keep my eyes above the waves

When oceans rise

My soul will rest in Your embrace

For I am Yours and You are mine

 

Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders

Let me walk upon the waters

Wherever You would call me

Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander

And my faith will be made stronger

In the presence of my Savior

 

I will call upon Your name

Keep my eyes above the waves

My soul will rest in Your embrace

I am Yours and You are mine

 

Day 15: "At the Cross"

I have a musical pet peeve. It drives me absolutely nuts when people don't sing their R's. Example: saying 'fo-ev-uh' instead of 'forever'. I know some people have been taught that this "technique" is a good idea, but I wholeheartedly disagree. I want to over-sing my R's to make up for the people who don't. I think this behavior is worse than someone tailgating me or crossing over the striped part of the road to "cut line". I hate it. The only acceptable reason for not singing your R's is if you also do not say them when you're talking. Example: Australian accents. Specific example: Darlene Zschech. I think she's brilliant and lovely and she can sing 'suched' instead of 'searched' because THAT'S HOW SHE TALKS!

Anyway...this song is gorgeous and true. My absolute favorite part is the bridge. Only God could have torn the veil between people and His presence, and He did! When Jesus completed the sacrifice and said "It is finished" on the cross, the veil was torn. God made a way for us to be in close communion with him after we messed it up with sin. He loves us so much that He had a plan to reconcile us to Himself after we willingly chose to give Him up. It's a good song. If you don't know Jesus personally, you should get to know Him. He loves you so much regardless of what you've done or where you are. He wants a relationship with you.

"At the Cross"

Oh Lord You've searched me
You know my way
Even when I fail You
I know You love me

Your holy presence
Surrounding me
In every season
I know You love me
I know You love me

At the cross I bow my knee
Where Your blood was shed for me
There's no greater love than this
You have overcome the grave
Your glory fills the highest place
What can separate me now

You go before me
You shield my way
Your hand upholds me
I know You love me

At the cross I bow my knee
Where Your blood was shed for me
There's no greater love than this
You have overcome the grave
Your glory fills the highest place
What can separate me now

You tore the veil
You made a way
When You said that it is done

You tore the veil
You made a way
When You said that it is done

And when the earth fades
Falls from my eyes
And You stand before me
I know You love me
I know You love me

At the cross I bow my knee
Where Your blood was shed for me
There's no greater love than this
You have overcome the grave
Your glory fills the highest place
What can separate me now

Day 14: "C.S. Lewis Song"

I've loved Brooke Fraser's voice since I heard her sing with Hillsong United. Now, I listen to her solo stuff and follow her on Instagram and envy her super cool jeans. I've listened to the Kari Jobe station on Pandora for quite a while, and I think that's where I heard this song for the first time. I knew the quote by C.S. Lewis that the song starts out with, so my interest was piqued from the beginning. This song talks about the struggle that we find ourselves facing as humans on the Earth who are also Christians and therefore citizens of Heaven. We should feel homesick and out of place because we were not made for here. If we don't feel like we are out of place, that means we're blending in too much with the world and the people around us and we need to reevaluate and get back in close fellowship with God. We should stand out. I'm speaking to Christians here. There should be a difference between us and the world, and that difference doesn't need to be hate. It needs to be love. I'm not saying we should condone sin or celebrate it or surround ourselves with sin, but we don't need to put ourselves in a bubble and never interact with people who aren't like us. The only thing that separates us from non-Christians is the grace of God. If not for God's grace, we could be in any other person's place in life. Nothing else makes us different. I think this song does a good job of showcasing the torn feelings we have while living here but longing for there. However, it also shows the clear purpose we have here on Earth. We made to live, to love, and to know God.

"C.S. Lewis Song" 

If I find in myself desires
Nothing in this world can satisfy
I can only conclude that I
I was not made for here

If the flesh that I fight is at best
Only light and momentary
Then of course I'll feel nude when to
Where I'm destined, I'm compared

Speak to me in the light of the dawn
Mercy comes with the morning
I will sigh and with all creation groan
As I wait for hope to come for me

Am I lost or just less found on the straight
Or on the roundabout of the wrong way?
Is this a soul that stirs in me?
Is it breaking free, wanting to come alive?

Cause my comfort would prefer
For me to be numb
And avoid the impending birth
Of who I was born to become

Speak to me in the light of the dawn
Mercy comes with the morning
I will sigh and with all creation groan
As I wait for hope to come for me

For we, we are not long here
Our time is but a breath
So we better breathe it
And I, I was made to live
I was made to love
I was made to know you

Hope is coming for me
Hope is coming for me
Hope is coming for me
Hope is coming for me

Speak to me in the light of the dawn
Mercy comes with the morning, morning
I will sigh and with all creation groan
As I wait for hope to come for me
For me, for me, for me

Day 13: "It is Finished"

9 years ago, I did my first student ministry internship at my home church in Tennessee. In July of that summer, my grandfather died. It was the Wednesday before our last big event of the summer and I had a really hard time with it. He was one of my best friends and I didn't know how much I would miss him until he was gone. I wasn't at the church for the last minute planning, and I wasn't worth a whole lot when I was there for the event itself. The people I worked for and with were extremely gracious and forgiving during this time. One of my jobs for the week was to run the power point slides for the band and the speaker. The band was the Matt Papa Band, and the speaker was Ken Freeman.

This year at my church in Georgia, we had an event called Harvest Days. On Sunday night, our music was done by Matt Papa and Ken Freeman was the speaker. Being in a service with both of them brought back a lot of memories from the summer my grandfather died. I ended up crying and not realizing why until much later. That night, Matt sang a lot of songs I hadn't heard before, but the congregation picked up on them really quickly and we were able to have an amazing worship experience. One of the songs from that night is called "It is Finished". It tells the story of Jesus dying on the cross and bringing salvation for all people. It is because of Jesus dying and rising again that I know I will get to see my grandfather in Heaven again someday. I'm extremely grateful for that.

"It is Finished"

Once and for all
Once and for all
You offered up Your life
For one and all
For one and all
The perfect sacrifice
Atoning blood was shed
Love conquered when You said...

It is finished
It is done
To the world salvation comes
Hallelujah, we're alive!
Hell was silenced when You cried:
It is finished
It is finished

Who is this king
Who is this king
So mighty and so strong
He is the one
He is the one
The earth has waited for
God's remedy for sin
With mercy for all men

It is finished
It is done
To the world salvation comes
Hallelujah, we're alive!
Hell was silenced when You cried:
It is finished
It is finished

Well the earth shook and trembled
The sun bowed it's head
The veil of the temple was open for men
As Jesus went down in the cold of the grave
Defeated the darkness when He overcame
The keys of the Kingdom were placed into hands
Of children and priests and of fishers of men
Through all generations His voice will be heard
Creation resounds the victorious words!

It is finished
It is done
To the world salvation comes
Hallelujah, we're alive!
Hell was silenced when you cried:
It is finished
It is done
Now completed, the work of Love
Hallelujah, He's alive
Join the song of the ransomed Bride
It is finished
It is finished
It is finished!

Day 12: "Amazing Grace (My Chains Are Gone)"

Today would have been my paternal grandmother's birthday, and a month from today will mark 4 years since my maternal grandmother went to be with Jesus. I think about both of my grandmothers a lot and wish I could ask questions and learn from them. There are so many things I wish I had written down. So many questions left unanswered. So many recipes left unlearned. So many clothing patterns and doll patterns left unfinished.

My Granny died when I was two, so I didn't get a chance to know her very well. I do know that she would continually sew the satin lining back onto my "maimet" (blanket) and I would just pull it off again. She would sew it on, and I would pull it back off. My family lived with her for the last two or so years of her life, so I'm sure she sewed my maimet an awful lot.

Every time I hear "Amazing Grace (My Chains Are Gone)" I think of my family. We sang a lot of songs at my Nanny's graveside after her funeral, but this is the one I remember most clearly. I think it resonated with me the most because it was such a beautiful picture of what had happened to her. She struggled with anxiety and loneliness in the final years of her life, and when she passed into the presence of Jesus, her chains were removed and she was finally free.

"Amazing Grace (My Chains Are Gone)"

Amazing grace
How sweet the sound
That saved a wretch like me
I once was lost, but now I'm found
Was blind, but now I see
'Twas grace that taught my heart to fear
And grace my fears relieved
How precious did that grace appear
The hour I first believed
My chains are gone
I've been set free
My God, my Savior has ransomed me
And like a flood His mercy reigns
Unending love, amazing grace

The Lord has promised good to me
His word my hope secures
He will my shield and portion be
As long as life endures

My chains are gone
I've been set free
My God, my Savior has ransomed me
And like a flood His mercy reigns
Unending love, amazing grace

The earth shall soon dissolve like snow
The sun forbear to shine
But God, who called me here below
Will be forever mine
Will be forever mine