With these last two days of the 31, I want to be as transparent as possible about what is really important. There was a time in my life when I thought I was going to be single forever. It wasn't just a month or two where I didn't have a "love interest". I really believed that singleness was part of God's plan for my life. And it was. For that season. What I learned then is that Jesus is enough. He is more than enough. He loves us so well that we do not need anything else. We don't need love from our parents. We don't need love from our siblings. We don't need love from our friends. We don't need love from a spouse or boyfriend/girlfriend. We just need Jesus. If we have all of those other things or even one of those other things, that is extra. Everything is extra! Jesus owes us nothing, but gives us everything. More importantly, He gives us Himself, and that is all we need. If we are not made complete by Jesus, then nothing else is going to make us feel complete. You can have a perfect life by the world's standards and still feel totally empty inside. Nothing matters outside of our relationship with Christ. It is through Him that we are made whole. It is through Him that we can love and forgive others and even have relationships at all. Without Him we have nothing. With Him we have everything because we have Jesus. I wanted to include both of these songs (both by Kari Jobe) because this is what I'm trying to say! Jesus is it! If you're searching for ANYTHING, it can be found in Jesus!
"My Everything"
Rendered speechless by Your beauty
Lord, I'm blown away
With everything that's in my heart
A million words could never say all there is to say
You're more than just a song, You're more than just a whim
You're more than just a passing fantasy
You're my Everyday
You're my Every Way
You're my Everything
If I could see forever
In just one moment I would say
These todays are worth tomorrow
When I will see You face to face
I want to be with You
I need to be with You
I long to be with You, precious King
So with every day, Lord, in every way
You're my Everything
You're my Everything
You're my Everything
You're my Everything, Oh Jesus
You're my Everything
You're my Everyday
You're my Every Way
You're my Everything
"Always Enough"
I lift my hands to the highest of all
As I draw near
Surrender my life to Your promise, oh God
There is no other
I will find my life in You
You're always enough
Always enough
Let the fullness of Your love
Be all I need
All I need
Consume me, come like a fire, oh God
Reign in me
For You alone will satisfy
There is no other
I will find my life in You
You're always enough
Always enough
Let the fullness of Your love
Be all I need
All I need
If I have You, I have everything
But without You, I have nothing
Showing posts with label grace. Show all posts
Showing posts with label grace. Show all posts
Saturday, October 31, 2015
Tuesday, October 27, 2015
Day 27: "Flawless" (Not Beyonce)
Have you ever misheard lyrics? I know I'm not the only one who has because Jimmy Fallon has a whole hashtag about it. There's a song called "T-R-O-U-B-L-E" by Travis Tritt, and when I was little I thought the words were "I spilt tea all over your BLT." Which is, you know, a legitimate reason to write a song. You gotta tell em their sandwich is soggy. No good.
Anyway...that hasn't happened to me in a long time, but recently I figured out I was singing this song completely wrong (full disclosure: I also thought Building 429's song "I press on" was called "Happy Song" and I was really confused about it.) This song says "The cross has made you flawless." However, I was hearing "The cross has made you promise" which is just bad theology. Jesus didn't make us promise anything to Him. He didn't wait to die until we agreed to do our part. He just did it anyway. Even though He knew we were going to keep messing up over and over again. Just like this song says, it's never too late! As long as you have breath in your lungs, you can have Jesus and His life and His love and His grace and His mercy and His forgiveness and all you have to do is give up trying to do it all yourself! That's it! Just admit to God that you are just messing it all up and you cannot do it anymore. He has to take over. He wants to take over our lives. Not in a creepy possessed kind of way, but in a He knows way better than we ever will kind of way. We just have to stop trying to control it and let Him take it all over. Honestly, even in the times when I am most anxiously trying to control everything, I don't really want to. I am just believing the lies from the devil that are telling me I have to work harder, do more, be more, and I certainly can't give up. But God says "go ahead and give it up. You don't have to work harder or do anything differently. You can come just as you are. I already love you." We don't have to promise God anything in order to get salvation, but we do GET to promise ourselves to God. God never breaks His promises, but He is always willing to forgive and forget when we break ours. And we will. We always do. He stays perfect through our imperfection. He stays faithful through our unfaithfulness. He stays close through our drifting. He just wants you. That's it. You don't have to bring anything, but you will still want to. When you experience God's grace, you will want to promise Him everything and give Him all you have. And all we have is our own life. Thankfully, all we have to give is exactly what He wants.
Don't mishear these lyrics. And be careful with your tea around other peoples' sandwiches.
"Flawless" (MercyMe)
There's got to be more
Than going back and forth
From doing right to doing wrong
‘Cause we were taught that's who we are
Come on get in line right behind me
You along with everybody
Thinking there's worth in what you do
Then like a hero who takes the stage when
We're on the edge of our seats saying it's too late
Well let me introduce you to amazing grace
No matter the bumps
No matter the bruises
No matter the scars
Still the truth is
The cross has made
The cross has made you flawless
No matter the hurt
Or how deep the wound is
No matter the pain
Still the truth is
The cross has made
The cross has made you flawless
Could it possibly be
That we simply can't believe
That this unconditional
Kind of love would be enough
To take a filthy wretch like this
And wrap him up in righteousness
But that's exactly what He did
Take a breath smile and say
Right here right now I'm ok because
The cross was enough
Then like a hero who takes the stage when
We're on the edge of our seats saying it's too late
Well let me introduce you to grace grace
God's grace
No matter what they say
Or what you think you are
The day you called His name
He made you flawless
Anyway...that hasn't happened to me in a long time, but recently I figured out I was singing this song completely wrong (full disclosure: I also thought Building 429's song "I press on" was called "Happy Song" and I was really confused about it.) This song says "The cross has made you flawless." However, I was hearing "The cross has made you promise" which is just bad theology. Jesus didn't make us promise anything to Him. He didn't wait to die until we agreed to do our part. He just did it anyway. Even though He knew we were going to keep messing up over and over again. Just like this song says, it's never too late! As long as you have breath in your lungs, you can have Jesus and His life and His love and His grace and His mercy and His forgiveness and all you have to do is give up trying to do it all yourself! That's it! Just admit to God that you are just messing it all up and you cannot do it anymore. He has to take over. He wants to take over our lives. Not in a creepy possessed kind of way, but in a He knows way better than we ever will kind of way. We just have to stop trying to control it and let Him take it all over. Honestly, even in the times when I am most anxiously trying to control everything, I don't really want to. I am just believing the lies from the devil that are telling me I have to work harder, do more, be more, and I certainly can't give up. But God says "go ahead and give it up. You don't have to work harder or do anything differently. You can come just as you are. I already love you." We don't have to promise God anything in order to get salvation, but we do GET to promise ourselves to God. God never breaks His promises, but He is always willing to forgive and forget when we break ours. And we will. We always do. He stays perfect through our imperfection. He stays faithful through our unfaithfulness. He stays close through our drifting. He just wants you. That's it. You don't have to bring anything, but you will still want to. When you experience God's grace, you will want to promise Him everything and give Him all you have. And all we have is our own life. Thankfully, all we have to give is exactly what He wants.
Don't mishear these lyrics. And be careful with your tea around other peoples' sandwiches.
"Flawless" (MercyMe)
There's got to be more
Than going back and forth
From doing right to doing wrong
‘Cause we were taught that's who we are
Come on get in line right behind me
You along with everybody
Thinking there's worth in what you do
Then like a hero who takes the stage when
We're on the edge of our seats saying it's too late
Well let me introduce you to amazing grace
No matter the bumps
No matter the bruises
No matter the scars
Still the truth is
The cross has made
The cross has made you flawless
No matter the hurt
Or how deep the wound is
No matter the pain
Still the truth is
The cross has made
The cross has made you flawless
Could it possibly be
That we simply can't believe
That this unconditional
Kind of love would be enough
To take a filthy wretch like this
And wrap him up in righteousness
But that's exactly what He did
Take a breath smile and say
Right here right now I'm ok because
The cross was enough
Then like a hero who takes the stage when
We're on the edge of our seats saying it's too late
Well let me introduce you to grace grace
God's grace
No matter what they say
Or what you think you are
The day you called His name
He made you flawless
Saturday, October 24, 2015
Day 23: "Jesus, Son of God"
I don't know everything about the Bible. I don't know everything about Jesus. I don't know anything about grace except that I don't deserve it but I get it anyway because Jesus loves me. I think there are a lot of things that we won't understand before we get to Heaven, and I think a lot of those things won't matter anymore once we're in the presence of God. We will forget all of our questions and it will all make sense because God is there and He will have made us complete in Him. We won't need anything else.
"Jesus, Son of God"
You came down from Heaven's throne
This Earth You formed was not Your home
A love like this the world had never known
A crown of thorns to mock Your name
Forgiveness fell upon Your face
A love like this the world had never known
On the altar of our praise
Let there be no higher name
Jesus, Son of God
You laid down Your perfect life
You are the sacrifice
Jesus, Son of God
You are Jesus, Son of God
You took our sin You bore our shame
You rose to life You defeated the grave
A love like this the world has never known
You took our sin You bore our shame
You rose to life You defeated the grave
A love like this the world has never known
On the altar of our praise
Let there be no higher name
Jesus, Son of God
You laid down Your perfect life
You are the sacrifice
Jesus, Son of God
You are Jesus, Son of God
Be lifted higher than all You've overcome
Your name be louder than any other song
There is no power that can come against Your love
The cross was enough The cross was enough
"Jesus, Son of God"
You came down from Heaven's throne
This Earth You formed was not Your home
A love like this the world had never known
A crown of thorns to mock Your name
Forgiveness fell upon Your face
A love like this the world had never known
On the altar of our praise
Let there be no higher name
Jesus, Son of God
You laid down Your perfect life
You are the sacrifice
Jesus, Son of God
You are Jesus, Son of God
You took our sin You bore our shame
You rose to life You defeated the grave
A love like this the world has never known
You took our sin You bore our shame
You rose to life You defeated the grave
A love like this the world has never known
On the altar of our praise
Let there be no higher name
Jesus, Son of God
You laid down Your perfect life
You are the sacrifice
Jesus, Son of God
You are Jesus, Son of God
Be lifted higher than all You've overcome
Your name be louder than any other song
There is no power that can come against Your love
The cross was enough The cross was enough
Thursday, October 22, 2015
Day 22: "Above All"
I've had this song stuck in my head for the last few days, and I have no idea why. I haven't heard it in years, but I love it. It shows an excellent and perfect picture of the cross. Jesus paid the ultimate price for us...a bunch of whiny sinners. Amazing!
"Above All"
Above all powers, above all kings
Above all nature and all created things
Above all wisdom and all the ways of man
You were here before the world began
Above all kingdoms, above all thrones
Above all wonders the world has ever known
Above all wealth and treasures of the earth
There's no way to measure what you're worth
Crucified
Laid behind a stone
You lived to die
Rejected and alone
Like a rose
Trampled on the ground
You took the fall
And thought of me
Above all
Above all powers, above all kings
Above all nature and all created things
Above all wisdom and all the ways of man
You were here before the world began
Above all kingdoms, above all thrones
Above all wonders the world has ever known
Above all wealth and treasures of the earth
There's no way to measure what you're worth
Crucified
Laid behind a stone
You lived to die
Rejected and alone
Like a rose
Trampled on the ground
You took the fall
And thought of me
Above all
Crucified
Laid behind a stone
You lived to die
Rejected and alone
Like a rose
Trampled on the ground
You took the fall
And thought of me
Above all
Like a rose
Trampled on the ground
You took the fall
And thought of me
Above all
"Above All"
Above all powers, above all kings
Above all nature and all created things
Above all wisdom and all the ways of man
You were here before the world began
Above all kingdoms, above all thrones
Above all wonders the world has ever known
Above all wealth and treasures of the earth
There's no way to measure what you're worth
Crucified
Laid behind a stone
You lived to die
Rejected and alone
Like a rose
Trampled on the ground
You took the fall
And thought of me
Above all
Above all powers, above all kings
Above all nature and all created things
Above all wisdom and all the ways of man
You were here before the world began
Above all kingdoms, above all thrones
Above all wonders the world has ever known
Above all wealth and treasures of the earth
There's no way to measure what you're worth
Crucified
Laid behind a stone
You lived to die
Rejected and alone
Like a rose
Trampled on the ground
You took the fall
And thought of me
Above all
Crucified
Laid behind a stone
You lived to die
Rejected and alone
Like a rose
Trampled on the ground
You took the fall
And thought of me
Above all
Like a rose
Trampled on the ground
You took the fall
And thought of me
Above all
Sunday, October 18, 2015
Day 18: "I Will Carry You"
If you've spoken to me for more than 10 minutes, I have probably mentioned Angie Smith. I love that woman. I've never met her, but I feel like I know her from reading what she writes and following her on Instagram. We're like modern day pen pals, right? Anyway, a few years ago Angie and her husband Todd had a baby girl named Audrey that did not live for more than a couple of hours here on earth. After they found out their diagnosis, they wrote a song for their baby girl's memorial service. The result is absolutely gorgeous and heartbreaking. I've never been a parent, but I can't imagine the pain they feel. What blows my mind even more is that Todd can even sing on this song. I would lose it every time. What am I saying? I still lose it every time I even hear it.
I don't feel like I can do their story or the song justice, so I've included the links to three videos. The first one is Todd and Angie talking about Audrey and the song and the book that Angie wrote about their story. The second video is Selah performing the song. The third (if you really want to bawl your eyes out) is the song with pictures of the Smith family before and after Audrey's birth. The lyrics are at the bottom.
"I Will Carry You" the story
"I Will Carry You" the song
With Pictures
"I Will Carry You" (Selah)
There were photographs I wanted to take
Things I wanted to show you
Sing sweet lullabies, wipe your teary eyes
Who could love you like this?
People say that I am brave but I'm not
Truth is I'm barely hanging on
But there's a greater story
Written long before me
Because He loves you like this
I will carry you
While your heart beats here
Long beyond the empty cradle
Through the coming years
I will carry you
All my life
I will praise the One Who's chosen me
To carry you
Such a short time
Such a long road
All this madness
But I know
That the silence
Has brought me to His voice
And He says ...
I've shown her photographs of time beginning
Walked her through the parted sea
Angel lullabies, no more teary eyes
Who could love her like this?
I will carry you
While your heart beats here
Long beyond the empty cradle
Through the coming years
I will carry you
All my life
I will praise the One Who's chosen me
To carry you
I don't feel like I can do their story or the song justice, so I've included the links to three videos. The first one is Todd and Angie talking about Audrey and the song and the book that Angie wrote about their story. The second video is Selah performing the song. The third (if you really want to bawl your eyes out) is the song with pictures of the Smith family before and after Audrey's birth. The lyrics are at the bottom.
"I Will Carry You" the story
"I Will Carry You" the song
With Pictures
"I Will Carry You" (Selah)
There were photographs I wanted to take
Things I wanted to show you
Sing sweet lullabies, wipe your teary eyes
Who could love you like this?
People say that I am brave but I'm not
Truth is I'm barely hanging on
But there's a greater story
Written long before me
Because He loves you like this
I will carry you
While your heart beats here
Long beyond the empty cradle
Through the coming years
I will carry you
All my life
I will praise the One Who's chosen me
To carry you
Such a short time
Such a long road
All this madness
But I know
That the silence
Has brought me to His voice
And He says ...
I've shown her photographs of time beginning
Walked her through the parted sea
Angel lullabies, no more teary eyes
Who could love her like this?
I will carry you
While your heart beats here
Long beyond the empty cradle
Through the coming years
I will carry you
All my life
I will praise the One Who's chosen me
To carry you
Wednesday, October 14, 2015
Day 14: "C.S. Lewis Song"
I've loved Brooke Fraser's voice since I heard her sing with Hillsong United. Now, I listen to her solo stuff and follow her on Instagram and envy her super cool jeans. I've listened to the Kari Jobe station on Pandora for quite a while, and I think that's where I heard this song for the first time. I knew the quote by C.S. Lewis that the song starts out with, so my interest was piqued from the beginning. This song talks about the struggle that we find ourselves facing as humans on the Earth who are also Christians and therefore citizens of Heaven. We should feel homesick and out of place because we were not made for here. If we don't feel like we are out of place, that means we're blending in too much with the world and the people around us and we need to reevaluate and get back in close fellowship with God. We should stand out. I'm speaking to Christians here. There should be a difference between us and the world, and that difference doesn't need to be hate. It needs to be love. I'm not saying we should condone sin or celebrate it or surround ourselves with sin, but we don't need to put ourselves in a bubble and never interact with people who aren't like us. The only thing that separates us from non-Christians is the grace of God. If not for God's grace, we could be in any other person's place in life. Nothing else makes us different. I think this song does a good job of showcasing the torn feelings we have while living here but longing for there. However, it also shows the clear purpose we have here on Earth. We made to live, to love, and to know God.
"C.S. Lewis Song"
If I find in myself desires
Nothing in this world can satisfy
I can only conclude that I
I was not made for here
If the flesh that I fight is at best
Only light and momentary
Then of course I'll feel nude when to
Where I'm destined, I'm compared
Speak to me in the light of the dawn
Mercy comes with the morning
I will sigh and with all creation groan
As I wait for hope to come for me
Am I lost or just less found on the straight
Or on the roundabout of the wrong way?
Is this a soul that stirs in me?
Is it breaking free, wanting to come alive?
Cause my comfort would prefer
For me to be numb
And avoid the impending birth
Of who I was born to become
Speak to me in the light of the dawn
Mercy comes with the morning
I will sigh and with all creation groan
As I wait for hope to come for me
For we, we are not long here
Our time is but a breath
So we better breathe it
And I, I was made to live
I was made to love
I was made to know you
Hope is coming for me
Hope is coming for me
Hope is coming for me
Hope is coming for me
Speak to me in the light of the dawn
Mercy comes with the morning, morning
I will sigh and with all creation groan
As I wait for hope to come for me
For me, for me, for me
"C.S. Lewis Song"
If I find in myself desires
Nothing in this world can satisfy
I can only conclude that I
I was not made for here
If the flesh that I fight is at best
Only light and momentary
Then of course I'll feel nude when to
Where I'm destined, I'm compared
Speak to me in the light of the dawn
Mercy comes with the morning
I will sigh and with all creation groan
As I wait for hope to come for me
Am I lost or just less found on the straight
Or on the roundabout of the wrong way?
Is this a soul that stirs in me?
Is it breaking free, wanting to come alive?
Cause my comfort would prefer
For me to be numb
And avoid the impending birth
Of who I was born to become
Speak to me in the light of the dawn
Mercy comes with the morning
I will sigh and with all creation groan
As I wait for hope to come for me
For we, we are not long here
Our time is but a breath
So we better breathe it
And I, I was made to live
I was made to love
I was made to know you
Hope is coming for me
Hope is coming for me
Hope is coming for me
Hope is coming for me
Speak to me in the light of the dawn
Mercy comes with the morning, morning
I will sigh and with all creation groan
As I wait for hope to come for me
For me, for me, for me
Thursday, October 31, 2013
Day 31: Grace
If there is one thing I have learned over these last 31 days, it's this:
I am notoriously quick to condemn myself and yet offer grace and 2nd and 3rd and 50th chances to those around me. I've noticed the contradiction, and I don't want to stop giving more chances to those I love. Yes, I know I need to protect myself and there are extremes. There are always extremes. But here's the thing. Jesus KNEW Judas would betray Him, and He still loved him the same as His other friends.
This month, I didn't run every time I said I would. I had an allergic reaction, got a little sick, fought off really getting sick, drank a lot of coffee, drank a lot of water, started eating more vegetables and less sodium, watched baseball, discovered a matte topcoat for my fingernail polish, sang a lot, and wrote a little bit. Among other things. I didn't write every day for 31 days. I joked with my boyfriend early on that instead of "a post a day for 31 days", mine was more like "31 posts within 31 days". And I think that's okay.
I'm allowed to give myself grace. It's okay for me to believe what God says about me instead of what I say about me. I wish I had been able to run more this month, but that just means I really have to get on it in the next months so I'll be ready for the 15K in January. Like I've said before, sometimes real life happens and "gets in the way" of our plans. But usually those are the times that I've learned to treasure the most. Those are the times that reveal something about ourselves and our priorities. Those times are grace too.
Since it's Halloween today, here's a picture from the church costume party last night. (It doesn't matter that this morning I have bags under my eyes and my lips are stained from the lipstick, right?) We had a great time!
I am allowed to give myself grace.
I am notoriously quick to condemn myself and yet offer grace and 2nd and 3rd and 50th chances to those around me. I've noticed the contradiction, and I don't want to stop giving more chances to those I love. Yes, I know I need to protect myself and there are extremes. There are always extremes. But here's the thing. Jesus KNEW Judas would betray Him, and He still loved him the same as His other friends.
This month, I didn't run every time I said I would. I had an allergic reaction, got a little sick, fought off really getting sick, drank a lot of coffee, drank a lot of water, started eating more vegetables and less sodium, watched baseball, discovered a matte topcoat for my fingernail polish, sang a lot, and wrote a little bit. Among other things. I didn't write every day for 31 days. I joked with my boyfriend early on that instead of "a post a day for 31 days", mine was more like "31 posts within 31 days". And I think that's okay.
I'm allowed to give myself grace. It's okay for me to believe what God says about me instead of what I say about me. I wish I had been able to run more this month, but that just means I really have to get on it in the next months so I'll be ready for the 15K in January. Like I've said before, sometimes real life happens and "gets in the way" of our plans. But usually those are the times that I've learned to treasure the most. Those are the times that reveal something about ourselves and our priorities. Those times are grace too.
Since it's Halloween today, here's a picture from the church costume party last night. (It doesn't matter that this morning I have bags under my eyes and my lips are stained from the lipstick, right?) We had a great time!
(This boy is another picture of grace. Also, you can't see much of them, but I painted some knockoff Keds yellow for this outfit--the same yellow I used to paint the bowtie. They were the best part of the whole costume!)
Thursday, October 17, 2013
Day 16: What We Need
This is it, guys. All we need is one person. The rest is gravy. The cross was enough. Everything else is a gift--even the hard things. They usually end up making something beautiful anyway.
Tuesday, October 1, 2013
Day 1: Why?
I decided to start with the "Why?" of REtraining for a race because I'm still kind of working that out for myself. I actually love running. I know some people hate it, and I can understand that. I personally hate jumping jacks, and you will never see me doing them joyfully. So I understand the anti-running mentality.
I used to think I hated running. Or that I wasn't "good" at it (can you even BE bad at running? Isn't it just a basic life skill?). Then, one day in the early fall of 2011, I decided to try it. I downloaded the Nike+ running app to my little iPhone, and took off. I ran one quarter of a mile without stopping and it freaked me out, so I stopped. Yes that is the truth. I thought I'd pass out or collapse if I ran more than a few steps, so I was shocked when I ran a whole .25 of a mile. The next day, I ran an entire mile. I'd love to tell you that "the rest is history" and I'm a disciplined, steady runner whether I have a race to train for or not, but that's not true. A couple of months after that first running adventure, I broke my toe and that put me out of commission for a while.
Fast forward 6 months or so. I walked a 5K in April of 2012, and decided after that to find a race and get back to training. I'm from Nashville, but moved to the Atlanta area in 2011, so I looked for half-marathons in either place. (See tomorrow's post on what made me decide to run half-marathons.) I found one I wanted to do in Nashville on November 10 and found a training program I could actually see myself doing. And from THERE, the rest is history. I ran my first half-marathon last November--almost a year ago now. My goals for the race were: 1. Don't finish last. 2. Don't fall down. 3. Run the whole time. I'm happy to tell you that I reached all 3 goals! (I dream real big.)
From then on, I've been inconsistent. That's pretty much the story of my life. I commit to do something, and then miss somedays weeks months, and I kind of give up. I've found, however, that I'm less likely to give up if I have accountability. If someone is counting on me, I'll do my part. That's why I chose to write about getting back in to running for my 31 Days adventure. If you (whoever you are) are reading this, you're holding me accountable whether you know it or not. So, thank you. :) I also managed to talk my little sisters into running a 15K (9.3 miles) with me in Atlanta in January. I made them a training schedule based on the Hal Higdon training plan, and I'm going to stick to the same plan they're doing too. I'm going to specifically work on getting faster this time. We're starting with low miles so we can build a solid base, and I'd like to be faster. Since speed was not one of my goals for my first half, I have something to work off of and I can try to beat my time in the next one.
So here we are. I ran two days last week to get ready for this week, but today is the REAL start of my training plan, and it's also the start of the 31 Days of blogging. Thanks for being here and going on this journey with me. I want to take care of myself--mentally, emotionally, physically, spiritually--and running benefits all of those areas for me. I have lots of reasons why I want to run again, but I feel like God wants to take me somewhere deeper with it and with this blogging process. I'm ready for it, and I'm happy to take you with me!
Loves.
I used to think I hated running. Or that I wasn't "good" at it (can you even BE bad at running? Isn't it just a basic life skill?). Then, one day in the early fall of 2011, I decided to try it. I downloaded the Nike+ running app to my little iPhone, and took off. I ran one quarter of a mile without stopping and it freaked me out, so I stopped. Yes that is the truth. I thought I'd pass out or collapse if I ran more than a few steps, so I was shocked when I ran a whole .25 of a mile. The next day, I ran an entire mile. I'd love to tell you that "the rest is history" and I'm a disciplined, steady runner whether I have a race to train for or not, but that's not true. A couple of months after that first running adventure, I broke my toe and that put me out of commission for a while.
Fast forward 6 months or so. I walked a 5K in April of 2012, and decided after that to find a race and get back to training. I'm from Nashville, but moved to the Atlanta area in 2011, so I looked for half-marathons in either place. (See tomorrow's post on what made me decide to run half-marathons.) I found one I wanted to do in Nashville on November 10 and found a training program I could actually see myself doing. And from THERE, the rest is history. I ran my first half-marathon last November--almost a year ago now. My goals for the race were: 1. Don't finish last. 2. Don't fall down. 3. Run the whole time. I'm happy to tell you that I reached all 3 goals! (I dream real big.)
From then on, I've been inconsistent. That's pretty much the story of my life. I commit to do something, and then miss some
So here we are. I ran two days last week to get ready for this week, but today is the REAL start of my training plan, and it's also the start of the 31 Days of blogging. Thanks for being here and going on this journey with me. I want to take care of myself--mentally, emotionally, physically, spiritually--and running benefits all of those areas for me. I have lots of reasons why I want to run again, but I feel like God wants to take me somewhere deeper with it and with this blogging process. I'm ready for it, and I'm happy to take you with me!
Loves.
31 Days to Retraining
Once upon a time, I ran a half-marathon. This is the account of me getting back into running after nearly 5 months of...not running, and the adventure God is taking me on in the process.
Day 1: Why?
Day 2: How I chose Half-Marathons
Day 3: A Confession
Day 4: Balance
Day 5: Weekend Running
Day 6: Sunday Runday?
Day 7: Finishing Well
Day 8: How Do You Know?
Day 9: Making Time
Day 10: Sometimes I Forget
Day 11: Fuel
Day 12: Let It Go
Day 13: Early Mornings
Day 14: A Different Kind of Fuel
Day 15: Struggle
Day 16: What We Need
Day 17: Listen
Day 18: Focus
Day 19: Even if...
Day 20: Choose Wisely
Day 21: Begin Again
Day 22: Just Keep Going
Day 23: Lifers
Day 24: Sleep?
Day 25: Time
Day 26: Decide what to be
Day 27: Happy Birthday Mom!
Day 28: Recovery
Day 29: Expectations
Day 30: Real Life
Day 31: Grace
Day 1: Why?
Day 2: How I chose Half-Marathons
Day 3: A Confession
Day 4: Balance
Day 5: Weekend Running
Day 6: Sunday Runday?
Day 7: Finishing Well
Day 8: How Do You Know?
Day 9: Making Time
Day 10: Sometimes I Forget
Day 11: Fuel
Day 12: Let It Go
Day 13: Early Mornings
Day 14: A Different Kind of Fuel
Day 15: Struggle
Day 16: What We Need
Day 17: Listen
Day 18: Focus
Day 19: Even if...
Day 20: Choose Wisely
Day 21: Begin Again
Day 22: Just Keep Going
Day 23: Lifers
Day 24: Sleep?
Day 25: Time
Day 26: Decide what to be
Day 27: Happy Birthday Mom!
Day 28: Recovery
Day 29: Expectations
Day 30: Real Life
Day 31: Grace
Friday, July 13, 2012
if home's where my heart is, then i'm out of place
"If I find in myself desires which nothing in this world can satisfy,
the only logical explanation is that I was made for another world."
CS Lewis
"But now in Christ Jesus you who once were far off have been brought
near by the blood of Christ.
So then you are no longer strangers and
aliens,
but you are fellow citizens with the saints and members of the
household of God"
Ephesians 2:13,19
"But our citizenship is in heaven, and from it we await a Savior, the Lord Jesus Christ"
Philippians 3:20
I'm homesick. Not for Tennessee (although I think about it a lot), but for Heaven. For HOME. For a place with no imperfections. No pride. No jealousy. No insecurity. No uncertainties. No pain. No questions. Just Jesus. I want to be there.
Moving stretched me. It still does everyday. I love living in Georgia. If for no other reason (and there are TONS), I love living here because I believe God called me here. He orchestrated the events that led to me being here. He's still orchestrating the events of my every day.
But sometimes I ache for familiarity. For people who know my history and have lived it with me. For a place where I know where everything is and how to get there and how to tell you how to get there too. For songs that I know all the words and notes and rhythms to. For food that came from the woods and the garden that I walk through barefoot while the sun goes down. For the smell of tomatoes and cucumbers and okra and potatoes and just good dirt. For miniature iron skillets and homemade biscuits and headlamps and tractors and getting up before the sun to go hunting and staying up later than the moon to go frog gigging and fox calling. For sleeping less and feeling more. For family and blood ties and puzzles and heat lightning. For lemonade in jars and haunted attics and wrap around porches. For memories. For family. My heart aches to return. And sometimes I do. But it's never the same. Not like I remember. Things changed. Life happened. Home is different. I'm different. Everyone else is too. The originals are gone and new ones have joined us. Sometimes I grieve over the changes, and sometimes I rejoice. Don't you do that sometimes too? Grieve for the past and rejoice in the now?
If I miss all of those things that much, I miss Heaven more. That might not make sense to you because I've never been there. But the Bible says my citizenship is in Heaven because I have been adopted into the family of God. I miss my earthly family, but I miss my Heavenly family more. I ache for rest and for a place of no striving...a place of just being with Jesus. If my experiences of growing up in a family that loves me is a glimpse of what it's like to be in Heaven, then I cannot wait to go.
Of course, I will stay here until God calls me Home. And I will try to seek His will for my time here. If He had no purpose for me, I'd already be Home. The same is true for you. He has a plan for you. If you're still here, He's not finished with you. Let's not waste the time that we have because it's not very much.
"Come now, you who say, 'Today or tomorrow we will go into such and such a town and spend a year there and trade and make a profit'--yet you do not know what tomorrow will bring.
What is your life? For you are a mist that appears for a little time and then vanishes."
James 4:13-14
Wednesday, June 27, 2012
the problem with being a thinker
I tend to over-think things. I'm sure that statement causes the jaws of those who know me to just drop straight off. Just kidding. I'm painfully aware of the fact that I over-analyze most situations. I'm pretty sure that causes me to try to handle things that I really should be leaving at the feet of Jesus. Therefore, my tendency to over-think is a problem.
I love texting so much because it gives me time to think before responding. Most of the time, I still say the wrong thing. Go me. Super effective system, huh? If I had to guess, I'd say my wrong responses stem from moments of over-thinking. I'm so concerned with how my words are going to affect the person on the other side of the conversation. I don't think being concerned with how my words affect others is a bad thing. The problem is, I'm putting myself in their place and trying to figure out what they're thinking. But they are not me. I am not them. So they won't respond like I would. Do you ever play out conversations in your head before they happen and then get disappointed when they don't happen like you planned? Have you realized that the other person was not present at your little role playing session, so they obviously have no idea what their lines are? It's becoming clear to me that most of my disappointment in other people comes from my having unrealistic expectations. People will disappoint you. We live in a sinful, fallen world. The one constant is God. Everyone else falls short. No matter how perfect a person seems, there will come a time when they will falter and not live up to expectation and they will disappoint you. THIS IS NOT THEIR FAULT! If I have not made someone aware of what I expect from them, they are not responsible for not living up to that expectation. Even if I do make someone aware of my expectations, that doesn't mean they're capable of living up to them.
Sometimes I Most of the time I I always create these perfect versions of people in my head. And then I'm audacious enough to blame them for not being the Stepford versions of themselves. How boring would it be if everyone acted like I wanted them to? I haven't created anyone. God has. He's WAY more creative than I am. I can say that I love the little nuances that make people different from each other all day long, but until I start really appreciating those little differences, I'm just blowing hot air.
So. If I have to stop holding people to my crazy, unrealistic standards...what standard do I hold them to? What standard would I want other people to hold me to? The answer (both "Sunday School" and legit...) is Jesus. I would want to be compared to two people: me and Jesus. The marching band I worked with in Tennessee had a mantra that we all lived by. We would always try to make each show better than the one before, and only strive to beat yesterday's band.
Compare me with yesterday's Alicia. Am I better than I was yesterday? Even just a little? Am I more like Jesus than I was last week? I'll try to do the same for you. Only compare you to yesterday's version of you and to Jesus. I can't promise that I'll always be perfect at this. Or that I'll always be better. You won't either. And you know what? That's okay. Because, as Ann Voskamp says, "All is grace." I'm really starting to believe this. And I love what that's doing for my relationships. Thank you, Jesus, for grace in all its forms.
PS... Ann Voskamp has had some of her friends guest blogging at her place this week. Yesterday's post (aside from the fact that I am not a mom or a farmer's wife in Iowa) could've been written from my heart. If you'd like to read it, you can find it here.
PPS... THIS SONG! Yes. Right now. I love it.
http://youtu.be/cTLfQ05Otk0
I love texting so much because it gives me time to think before responding. Most of the time, I still say the wrong thing. Go me. Super effective system, huh? If I had to guess, I'd say my wrong responses stem from moments of over-thinking. I'm so concerned with how my words are going to affect the person on the other side of the conversation. I don't think being concerned with how my words affect others is a bad thing. The problem is, I'm putting myself in their place and trying to figure out what they're thinking. But they are not me. I am not them. So they won't respond like I would. Do you ever play out conversations in your head before they happen and then get disappointed when they don't happen like you planned? Have you realized that the other person was not present at your little role playing session, so they obviously have no idea what their lines are? It's becoming clear to me that most of my disappointment in other people comes from my having unrealistic expectations. People will disappoint you. We live in a sinful, fallen world. The one constant is God. Everyone else falls short. No matter how perfect a person seems, there will come a time when they will falter and not live up to expectation and they will disappoint you. THIS IS NOT THEIR FAULT! If I have not made someone aware of what I expect from them, they are not responsible for not living up to that expectation. Even if I do make someone aware of my expectations, that doesn't mean they're capable of living up to them.
So. If I have to stop holding people to my crazy, unrealistic standards...what standard do I hold them to? What standard would I want other people to hold me to? The answer (both "Sunday School" and legit...) is Jesus. I would want to be compared to two people: me and Jesus. The marching band I worked with in Tennessee had a mantra that we all lived by. We would always try to make each show better than the one before, and only strive to beat yesterday's band.
Compare me with yesterday's Alicia. Am I better than I was yesterday? Even just a little? Am I more like Jesus than I was last week? I'll try to do the same for you. Only compare you to yesterday's version of you and to Jesus. I can't promise that I'll always be perfect at this. Or that I'll always be better. You won't either. And you know what? That's okay. Because, as Ann Voskamp says, "All is grace." I'm really starting to believe this. And I love what that's doing for my relationships. Thank you, Jesus, for grace in all its forms.
PS... Ann Voskamp has had some of her friends guest blogging at her place this week. Yesterday's post (aside from the fact that I am not a mom or a farmer's wife in Iowa) could've been written from my heart. If you'd like to read it, you can find it here.
PPS... THIS SONG! Yes. Right now. I love it.
http://youtu.be/cTLfQ05Otk0
Thursday, June 14, 2012
My Anti-Fairy Tale.
Have you ever felt like something wasn't real until you put words to it and wrote it down? That's how I feel about most things. There's an idea I've been wrestling with in my head. I've only vocalized it once, and it was really scary. I don't know if I'm really ready to write it down, but I'm trying it today. So bear with me.
Do I really believe this? I'd like to say that I do. But I don't know if I'm living like I believe it. Actually. I know I'm not. There are two huge areas of my life that I've noticed this lately. The most tangible is my finances. I know that God can and will supply all of my needs because He says He will, and because I've experienced His provision before. Over and over again. [Oh, how easy it is for me to say that. Lord, help me to LIVE IT.] So, if I've experienced God's faithfulness before, and I say I believe His Word...why do I still worry about money? When I give something up to God (even though it's already His anyway...), and then continue to worry about it or let it consume my thoughts, haven't I just picked it right back up again? It's like I'm saying "Here, God. I'll let you handle this...but just in case you can't, I'll keep trying to figure it out on my own over here on the side." I must be really dumb. Compared to God, I know nothing. Nothing. But I still like to pretend that I do. That's so much extra work! It would be significantly easier for me to give everything over to God and just rest in His provision. Instead, I fight it. I try to stay in control of something that has never once belonged to me. Why am I so afraid of relinquishing control?
The bigger issue related to my distrust is my singleness. [I tried to find a better way to say that. There wasn't one.] Again, I know that God can take care of me, and He has promised to do just that. I believe Him. The problem occurs when I try to take control. Sometimes I try to take control because I'm lonely. Most of the time, I'm fine being a single. But sometimes it gets awkward when everyone else is pairing off, and I make the total number odd instead of even. In situations like this, it's easier for me to stay home. Yes, this means I miss out on things, and I hate that. But it also means I don't have to risk humiliation or questions. When you're 25 and single, you inspire a lot of questions. Especially at church.Sometimes I try to take control because I'm just tired of answering questions. No, I'm not married. No, I'm not dating anyone. No, I'm not miserable. No, I don't feel like less of a person because I'm not married. Sure, I'd like to get married and have kids one day, but that's not what defines my life. Sometimes I try to take control because somewhere deep down, I still think my life is a fairy tale. This is honestly the one I struggle with the most. Doesn't that seem silly? No, I don't think I'm secretly a princess... Let me try to explain this thought process to you a little better.
I'm good with being single. Really. Yes, it's lonely sometimes, and I hate answering the same questions over and over again, but I don't really feel like I'm missing out on anything by not being married. There is freedom here. There's freedom to go where God sends me without coordinating anyone's life but my own. There's freedom to spend 5 days in Nashville to be involved with my best friend's wedding. There's freedom to visit my sister in New York City. There's freedom to travel and be there for the birth of my friends' future children and my future nieces and nephews. All of these things (and more) could still happen if I was married, but it would certainly be more complicated. There's simplicity in being single. I firmly believe that the Lord will sustain me no matter my situation. Still... there's something in the back of my mind. This, most likely, can be attributed to the Enemy. Doubt. Pride. Selfishness. That's where that little "something" stems from. Let me tell you what it sounds like...
People always tell me they found "Mr. Right" as soon as they stopped looking. So I'm not looking for Mr. Right. Is that because I'm genuinely not concerned with getting married? Or is it because I think as soon as I stop looking, he'll magically appear? (Fairy Tale life...) I can honestly tell you that I don't know what my motive is in not looking for Mr. Right. That scares me. I don't know which one is my answer. Am I not looking because it doesn't bother me? Or am I not looking because I think that's what it takes to actually find him? I don't know. Either way, I can say I'm not looking all day long, but I'm still evaluating every guy I meet. It's like I'm wondering if he'll be the one to "break the spell"...Like I'm under some kind of curse (think Snow White or Sleeping Beauty or Enchanted or The Little Mermaid, etc.). I'm just waiting for "The One" who will break the spell and release me from the curse of singleness. Wouldn't that be sweet.
Here's the thing though...singleness isn't a curse! If being single is God's will for my life, then it's the best gift! Whether it's His will for now or His will for always, I should treat it like a gift because God has given it to me. It's part of His plan for my life. It's part of His grace that has been extended to me in spite of myself and my shortcomings. I should treasure my singleness. I know the Lord will sustain me. In Matthew 6, it says:
So I can rest in this. God provides for the birds and I am more valuable to Him than the birds. So He will provide for me as well. I know this in my head. It's time for me to believe it and know it in my heart. Just like the father in Mark 9 cries out to the Lord, "I believe; help my unbelief!"
Will you join me in praying that we can live out what we say we believe? More than that though, let's be thankful for our current situations because God will use them to shape us into who He designed us to be.
"And my God will liberally supply (fill to the full) your every need
according to His riches in glory in Christ Jesus."
Philippians 4:19 (AMP)
Do I really believe this? I'd like to say that I do. But I don't know if I'm living like I believe it. Actually. I know I'm not. There are two huge areas of my life that I've noticed this lately. The most tangible is my finances. I know that God can and will supply all of my needs because He says He will, and because I've experienced His provision before. Over and over again. [Oh, how easy it is for me to say that. Lord, help me to LIVE IT.] So, if I've experienced God's faithfulness before, and I say I believe His Word...why do I still worry about money? When I give something up to God (even though it's already His anyway...), and then continue to worry about it or let it consume my thoughts, haven't I just picked it right back up again? It's like I'm saying "Here, God. I'll let you handle this...but just in case you can't, I'll keep trying to figure it out on my own over here on the side." I must be really dumb. Compared to God, I know nothing. Nothing. But I still like to pretend that I do. That's so much extra work! It would be significantly easier for me to give everything over to God and just rest in His provision. Instead, I fight it. I try to stay in control of something that has never once belonged to me. Why am I so afraid of relinquishing control?
The bigger issue related to my distrust is my singleness. [I tried to find a better way to say that. There wasn't one.] Again, I know that God can take care of me, and He has promised to do just that. I believe Him. The problem occurs when I try to take control. Sometimes I try to take control because I'm lonely. Most of the time, I'm fine being a single. But sometimes it gets awkward when everyone else is pairing off, and I make the total number odd instead of even. In situations like this, it's easier for me to stay home. Yes, this means I miss out on things, and I hate that. But it also means I don't have to risk humiliation or questions. When you're 25 and single, you inspire a lot of questions. Especially at church.Sometimes I try to take control because I'm just tired of answering questions. No, I'm not married. No, I'm not dating anyone. No, I'm not miserable. No, I don't feel like less of a person because I'm not married. Sure, I'd like to get married and have kids one day, but that's not what defines my life. Sometimes I try to take control because somewhere deep down, I still think my life is a fairy tale. This is honestly the one I struggle with the most. Doesn't that seem silly? No, I don't think I'm secretly a princess... Let me try to explain this thought process to you a little better.
I'm good with being single. Really. Yes, it's lonely sometimes, and I hate answering the same questions over and over again, but I don't really feel like I'm missing out on anything by not being married. There is freedom here. There's freedom to go where God sends me without coordinating anyone's life but my own. There's freedom to spend 5 days in Nashville to be involved with my best friend's wedding. There's freedom to visit my sister in New York City. There's freedom to travel and be there for the birth of my friends' future children and my future nieces and nephews. All of these things (and more) could still happen if I was married, but it would certainly be more complicated. There's simplicity in being single. I firmly believe that the Lord will sustain me no matter my situation. Still... there's something in the back of my mind. This, most likely, can be attributed to the Enemy. Doubt. Pride. Selfishness. That's where that little "something" stems from. Let me tell you what it sounds like...
People always tell me they found "Mr. Right" as soon as they stopped looking. So I'm not looking for Mr. Right. Is that because I'm genuinely not concerned with getting married? Or is it because I think as soon as I stop looking, he'll magically appear? (Fairy Tale life...) I can honestly tell you that I don't know what my motive is in not looking for Mr. Right. That scares me. I don't know which one is my answer. Am I not looking because it doesn't bother me? Or am I not looking because I think that's what it takes to actually find him? I don't know. Either way, I can say I'm not looking all day long, but I'm still evaluating every guy I meet. It's like I'm wondering if he'll be the one to "break the spell"...Like I'm under some kind of curse (think Snow White or Sleeping Beauty or Enchanted or The Little Mermaid, etc.). I'm just waiting for "The One" who will break the spell and release me from the curse of singleness. Wouldn't that be sweet.
Here's the thing though...singleness isn't a curse! If being single is God's will for my life, then it's the best gift! Whether it's His will for now or His will for always, I should treat it like a gift because God has given it to me. It's part of His plan for my life. It's part of His grace that has been extended to me in spite of myself and my shortcomings. I should treasure my singleness. I know the Lord will sustain me. In Matthew 6, it says:
"Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat or
what you will drink, nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more
than food, and the body more than clothing? Look at the birds of the air: they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns,
and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life? But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things
will be added to you. Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for
itself.
Sufficient for the day is its own trouble." (Matt. 6:25-27, 33-34)
Will you join me in praying that we can live out what we say we believe? More than that though, let's be thankful for our current situations because God will use them to shape us into who He designed us to be.
Thursday, May 17, 2012
Redemption.
Do you ever make the same mistakes over and over again? Or have a hard time
taking your own advice? Or spend so much time looking at the specks in the eyes
of others that you never notice the huge plank in your own? I do. I'm guilty of
all of those things.
Oftentimes, I'm so busy doing what I think is good... encouraging others to seek the Lord, reminding my friends that God is in control, blogging about how we use our words and living a life filled with grace and thanksgiving, tweeting Bible verses and Charles Spurgeon quotes...I get so caught up in the doing that I forget to be.
Jesus calls me to be still. And I respond by being anxiously frantic. I try to fix everything and everyone myself. I miss out on the whispers because I'm looking for neon signs. My relationship with Christ suffers because of my misappropriation of attention. Not only that, but my relationships with the people I care most about suffer as well. It's pretty easy for me to respond to people that I don't know that well with grace and mercy. But my best friends? My sisters? My favorites? I am hardened and harsh.
WHY? I try to write it off as feeling like I can "be myself" around them or thinking that they'll forgive a snippy comment because they've had more experience with my "good side", but those are nothing but excuses. The real issue is me. My pride. My selfishness. My sin. Those are the relationships I should be most careful with. I can say that I cherish them with my mouth, but until I cherish them in my heart, what good am I doing? The BIGGER issue is this: If I feel like spouting off is part of "being myself", who am I? Like I mentioned the other day, the Bible says that our mouths speak out of the abundance of our hearts. If I'm snarky and judgmental when my guard is down, what is in my heart? Snarky judgment. How many relationships have I ruined and how many hearts have I wounded by "being myself"?
I'm thankful that my God is the God of second chances. And third chances. And hundredth chances. I'm thankful that He responds to me with grace and mercy when I deserve nothing but hell. I'm thankful that when He looks at me, He sees a new creation and not the filthy, sin-stained person that I once was. I'm thankful that He has promised to finish the work He has started in me. I'm thankful that He has removed my sin from me and placed it as far away as the east is from the west.
Oh God, get me out of the way. Live through me. In You, I am a new creation. Help me to act like it. Thank You for grace and mercy and redemption and restoration. Make me more like You.
Oftentimes, I'm so busy doing what I think is good... encouraging others to seek the Lord, reminding my friends that God is in control, blogging about how we use our words and living a life filled with grace and thanksgiving, tweeting Bible verses and Charles Spurgeon quotes...I get so caught up in the doing that I forget to be.
Jesus calls me to be still. And I respond by being anxiously frantic. I try to fix everything and everyone myself. I miss out on the whispers because I'm looking for neon signs. My relationship with Christ suffers because of my misappropriation of attention. Not only that, but my relationships with the people I care most about suffer as well. It's pretty easy for me to respond to people that I don't know that well with grace and mercy. But my best friends? My sisters? My favorites? I am hardened and harsh.
WHY? I try to write it off as feeling like I can "be myself" around them or thinking that they'll forgive a snippy comment because they've had more experience with my "good side", but those are nothing but excuses. The real issue is me. My pride. My selfishness. My sin. Those are the relationships I should be most careful with. I can say that I cherish them with my mouth, but until I cherish them in my heart, what good am I doing? The BIGGER issue is this: If I feel like spouting off is part of "being myself", who am I? Like I mentioned the other day, the Bible says that our mouths speak out of the abundance of our hearts. If I'm snarky and judgmental when my guard is down, what is in my heart? Snarky judgment. How many relationships have I ruined and how many hearts have I wounded by "being myself"?
I'm thankful that my God is the God of second chances. And third chances. And hundredth chances. I'm thankful that He responds to me with grace and mercy when I deserve nothing but hell. I'm thankful that when He looks at me, He sees a new creation and not the filthy, sin-stained person that I once was. I'm thankful that He has promised to finish the work He has started in me. I'm thankful that He has removed my sin from me and placed it as far away as the east is from the west.
Oh God, get me out of the way. Live through me. In You, I am a new creation. Help me to act like it. Thank You for grace and mercy and redemption and restoration. Make me more like You.
Tuesday, May 15, 2012
Struggle.
In this quest to become more graceful (as in "full of grace", not as in "not clumsy"--that's a whole other battle), I have become more and more aware of my words. Ann Voskamp writes about thanksgiving and how all of our sin stems from the original sin of ingratitude. Beth Moore writes about realizing that Christ crucified and raised is enough. And I copy these nuggets of wisdom down and tweet them and retweet them and add them to my notebooks and journals and try to hide them in my heart with the promises of God. I even invite others to join me in my endeavor to be more grateful and choose gratitude and joy and respond in grace through this platform and my Twitter account and my Facebook page... but when I get in a situation where I need to respond in grace, it is still not easy. Now, I'm not dense enough to think it would be easy. I'm not surprised. I just feel like the daily (hourly? minute-ly?) struggle should be acknowledged. There is no "quick fix". Honestly, I'm kind of glad it's a process. It affirms my constant need for Jesus and His grace when I have none of my own to offer.
Proverbs 15:28 says: "The heart of the righteous weighs its answers, but the mouth of the wicked gushes evil." (NIV)
Yep. Gushes. How many times has it seemed like I could not stop my words? I could've, but it was easier for me to just let the evil gush out of my mouth. Wondering why? In the book of Matthew, Jesus is talking to the Pharisees (the religious ones...the ones who had all the answers...the smart guys...the "holy" ones...the rule followers...me?) and He says: "You brood of vipers! How can you speak good, when you are evil? For out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks." [Matt. 12:34, ESV] I'm the same as the Pharisees. How can I expect good to flow out of my mouth when my heart is filled with judgment and anger and unforgiveness? THAT is why it's so easy for evil to gush out when the opportunity presents itself.
So. How do I fix it? The truth is... I don't. The good news is...Jesus can. And He does. If I ask Him to. Isn't He so good? Too good for me, for sure! But I am so glad it's in His character to love me in spite of my gushing evil mouth and disgusting heart. And PRAISE THE LORD that He has covered all of me--mouth and heart included--with His blood, so when the Father sees me, He sees the perfection of His Son and not my broken sinfulness. Amen? Isn't it true then? Christ. Crucified and raised IS enough. It's more than enough. It's everything. That should put everything else in perspective for us. We have no right to be ungrateful. Christ DIED for us. Anything else we get is just because He loves us and delights in us and sings over us. How dare we ask for more. We are so arrogant sometimes to think we know best when we know nothing. And, truthfully, it doesn't matter if we know anything at all so long as we know Him.
Praise God He wants to know us.
Proverbs 15:28 says: "The heart of the righteous weighs its answers, but the mouth of the wicked gushes evil." (NIV)
Yep. Gushes. How many times has it seemed like I could not stop my words? I could've, but it was easier for me to just let the evil gush out of my mouth. Wondering why? In the book of Matthew, Jesus is talking to the Pharisees (the religious ones...the ones who had all the answers...the smart guys...the "holy" ones...the rule followers...me?) and He says: "You brood of vipers! How can you speak good, when you are evil? For out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks." [Matt. 12:34, ESV] I'm the same as the Pharisees. How can I expect good to flow out of my mouth when my heart is filled with judgment and anger and unforgiveness? THAT is why it's so easy for evil to gush out when the opportunity presents itself.
So. How do I fix it? The truth is... I don't. The good news is...Jesus can. And He does. If I ask Him to. Isn't He so good? Too good for me, for sure! But I am so glad it's in His character to love me in spite of my gushing evil mouth and disgusting heart. And PRAISE THE LORD that He has covered all of me--mouth and heart included--with His blood, so when the Father sees me, He sees the perfection of His Son and not my broken sinfulness. Amen? Isn't it true then? Christ. Crucified and raised IS enough. It's more than enough. It's everything. That should put everything else in perspective for us. We have no right to be ungrateful. Christ DIED for us. Anything else we get is just because He loves us and delights in us and sings over us. How dare we ask for more. We are so arrogant sometimes to think we know best when we know nothing. And, truthfully, it doesn't matter if we know anything at all so long as we know Him.
Praise God He wants to know us.
Monday, April 30, 2012
Speakin my language.
Today, God used McDonald's to bless me. McDonald's. Did you get that? The fast food place with the big arches. That's the one. That's what He chose today, and I'm a touch overwhelmed by today's grace.
...wanna know what happened?
I did not sleep well and was having a rough morning, so even though I had brought pita chips and hummus from home to eat for lunch, I decided to get out of the building for 30 minutes. I didn't really decide where to go until I turned out of the driveway.
I was originally thinking Starbucks was a necessity, but opted to just get "comfort food" instead. So to McDonald's I went. Pulled in. Drive thru. Ordered. "1st window please". And the girl there asked how I was..."I'm good (lie.), how are you?" She answered, told me she liked my sunglasses and we giggled and talked about the sunshine for about 30 seconds. [Glad I didn't ruin that with a bad attitude. Should've just said "I'm okay" or "I'll be better after eating my body weight in french fries" or something. Hindsight.]
Then... as if that wasn't enough of a bright spot... I pulled forward to the next window.
There, a little man who barely spoke English greeted me with an iced tea and a "Hello! How are you today?" like he'd been expecting me specifically. My soul lifted. He disappeared. 30 seconds later, there he was again with my food. He was all smiles and not many words, but he helped. As I was about to pull away he said, "Your sunglasses...they are nice!" *big grin* And there you have it. It may not be the world's most profound encounter, but it was exactly what I needed.
God is so spot on. He knew that I--being on the verge of tears all morning--couldn't handle a deep, heartwrenching conversation. All I needed was what I got--a drive thru sized portion of grace.
By the way, my food was wonderful, and I was wearing my "backup" sunglasses...the cheapos from Target that live in my car for when I forget the fancies... Thank you, Jesus.
...wanna know what happened?
I did not sleep well and was having a rough morning, so even though I had brought pita chips and hummus from home to eat for lunch, I decided to get out of the building for 30 minutes. I didn't really decide where to go until I turned out of the driveway.
I was originally thinking Starbucks was a necessity, but opted to just get "comfort food" instead. So to McDonald's I went. Pulled in. Drive thru. Ordered. "1st window please". And the girl there asked how I was..."I'm good (lie.), how are you?" She answered, told me she liked my sunglasses and we giggled and talked about the sunshine for about 30 seconds. [Glad I didn't ruin that with a bad attitude. Should've just said "I'm okay" or "I'll be better after eating my body weight in french fries" or something. Hindsight.]
Then... as if that wasn't enough of a bright spot... I pulled forward to the next window.
There, a little man who barely spoke English greeted me with an iced tea and a "Hello! How are you today?" like he'd been expecting me specifically. My soul lifted. He disappeared. 30 seconds later, there he was again with my food. He was all smiles and not many words, but he helped. As I was about to pull away he said, "Your sunglasses...they are nice!" *big grin* And there you have it. It may not be the world's most profound encounter, but it was exactly what I needed.
God is so spot on. He knew that I--being on the verge of tears all morning--couldn't handle a deep, heartwrenching conversation. All I needed was what I got--a drive thru sized portion of grace.
By the way, my food was wonderful, and I was wearing my "backup" sunglasses...the cheapos from Target that live in my car for when I forget the fancies... Thank you, Jesus.
Monday, April 23, 2012
Simply Grace.
My B. Friend gave me a book for Christmas. It's called "One Thousand Gifts", and it was written by Ann Voskamp. Katie thought I'd enjoy this book because I had recently set out on a journey to be more grateful for the little things, and that is essentially what Ann's book is about. I knew as soon as I started it, this book was going to be a big deal. And I was right. I'm pretty sure I've underlined 50% of what I've read so far.
I was delighted to find that Ann also has a blog where she writes almost every day. You can find it here. [as a side note, her blog has excellent background music!] I've also found countless phrases of wisdom on Ann's blog, and have started a notebook with quotes from the book and the blog that I want to remember or ruminate on for a little longer.
One thing that Ann says frequently...but I didn't quite understand until today...is "All's grace." She was featured on The Today Show, and she said "It's grace to be here." I kind of just chocked it up to being a Canadian thing that, as a
Bless my enemies, O Lord. Even I bless them and do not curse them.
Enemies have driven me into your embrace more than friends have.
Enemies have loosed me from earth more than friends have…
Enemies have made me a hunted animal,
finding safer shelter than an unhunted animal does.
finding safer shelter than an unhunted animal does.
I found safest sanctuary in You…may too my enemies-made-grace.
I found greatest grace in You… may my enemies-made-grace
find Your generous grace alive and radical in me.
I found fullest forgiveness in You…
may my enemies-made-grace find faith and freedom in You
and Your forgiveness working surprising ways in me.
may my enemies-made-grace find faith and freedom in You
and Your forgiveness working surprising ways in me.
The longer I walk with you, Lord, I find I have no enemies:
only your gift of chisels etching me deep.
Bless my enemies, O Lord. Even I bless them and do not curse them.
Enemies. Made. Grace.
"The longer I walk with you, Lord, I find I have no enemies: only your gift of chisels etching me deep."
All's grace. My enemies have been made grace because God uses them to shape me and mold me and form me into who He wants me to be.
"We are assured and know that [God being a partner in their labor] all things work together and are [fitting into a plan] for good to and for those who love God and are called according to [His] design and purpose."
Romans 8:28 (AMP)
All things work together. Enemies and friends. Good and bad. Easy and hard. Comfortable and awkward. All things work together because God is a partner in their labor. He shapes everything to work together for my good because I love Him and am called according to His design and purpose.
Praise the Lord!
All is Grace...
Alicia
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