Day 26: "Good to Me"

Audrey Assad has magic in her voice and her pen. She writes my prayers and she doesn't even know it. I have mentioned it already this month, but I love it when I hear songs that feel like I could have written them if I had the words for it. They proclaim the cry of my heart or at least the cry I want to come from my heart. This song is no exception. God is so good to us and nothing can steal our joy. Even when it seems like nothing is going right and everything is falling all around us, we can rest in Him and put our trust in Him and He will still be good.

"Good to Me"

I put all my hope on the truth of Your promise
and I steady my heart on the ground of Your goodness
When I’m bowed down with sorrow I will lift up Your name
and the foxes in the vineyard will not steal my joy

Because You are good to me, good to me
You are good to me, good to me
You are good to me

I lift my eyes to the hills where my help is found
Your voice fills the night, raise my head up and hear the sound
Though fires burn all around me I will praise You, my God
and the foxes in the vineyard will not steal my joy

Because You are good to me, good to me
You are good to me, good to me
You are good to me

Your goodness and mercy shall follow me
all my life
I will trust in Your promise

Because You are good to me, good to me
You are good to me, good to me
You are good to me

Day 21: "Even If (The Healing Doesn't Come)"

It's really easy to say we trust God, but it is not so easy to actually do it. I may be easy to trust Him when everything is going our way or at least when nothing bad is happening...but we also tend to forget God when everything is good. It's in the hard times that we remember to talk to God, but it's those times that make it harder to trust Him too. That's when our faith really shows. If things are not perfect, we should still believe and declare that God is still good. His goodness is not dependent on our circumstances. Our trust should not be dependent on our circumstances either. The thing about God is...He's WAY smarter than us. He knows how it's all going to work out even when it seems like we're never going to make it. He not only knows what's going on, but He's going to make all of the things work together for our good and His glory. Even when it doesn't look good from our perspective, it can still work for our good when God is in control. And, guess what. God is always in control.

"Even If (The Healing Doesn't Come)" (Kutless)

Sometimes all we have to hold on to
Is what we know is true
Of who You are
So when the heartache hits like a hurricane
That can never change who You are
And we trust in who You are

Even if the healing doesn't come
And life falls apart
And dreams are still undone
You are God You are good
Forever faithful One
Even if the healing
Even if the healing doesn't come

Lord we know Your ways are not our ways
So we set our faith in who You are
And even though You reign high above us
You tenderly love us
We know Your heart
We rest in who You are

Even if the healing doesn't come
And life falls apart
And dreams are still undone
You are God You are good
Forever faithful One
Even if the healing
Even if the healing doesn't come

You're still the Great and Mighty One
We trust You always
You're working all things for our good
We'll sing your praise

Even if the healing doesn't come
And life falls apart
And dreams are still undone
You are God You are good
Forever faithful One
Even if the healing
Even if the healing doesn't come

You are God and we will bless You
As the Good and Faithful One
You are God and we will bless You
Even if the healing doesn't come
Even if the healing doesn't come

Day 19: "While I'm Waiting"

Most of our lives are made up of waiting for something. Lunch. Coffee. Graduation. Marriage. Kids. Bedtime. Vacation. Our turn. We can get so caught up in the thing that we're waiting for that we miss the rest of our life. For example, a roller coaster is not typically a very time consuming experience. The ride may last 2-3 minutes, if you're lucky, but you could spend hours in line. If we spent our time in line being miserable and whining about how slowly the line is moving, we could miss out on something more important. We're probably not in a super long line by ourselves, so we could spend the time in line talking with our park buddies. Or the people next to us in line could need encouragement or a reminder that day. If we spend all of our time on our phones or focused on ourselves, we could miss out on a great opportunity to minister to someone near us.

In life, if we're focusing only on the next thing, we're never going to be happy in our present state. If we're so consumed with the next phase of life we'd like to be in, we will miss out on the beauty of life right now. Sometimes we're left waiting on an answer from God. We think we understand what needs to happen and we think we know when and how it needs to happen. We forget sometimes that we are not God and we don't know everything. Our timing is not perfect, but God's timing is. Our plans are not perfect, but God's plans are. We are really, really good at messing things up by trying to do them our own way instead of waiting on God. Look at Abraham and Sarah. God told Abraham he would be the father of many nations and that Sarah would have a baby. They were super old, so they doubted. Eventually they took matters into their own hands and created a giant mess for themselves filled with jealousy and bitterness. If they had just waited and trusted God to keep His promise, their lives would have been happier and more peaceful. Every time we think we know better than God, we're in trouble. It may not be evident immediately, but hindsight will show us that we should have just waited and trusted God to keep His promises. God cannot lie to us. He is perfect and holy and cannot be in the presence of sin. If God says it, He will do it. Our job is just to listen and obey. It should be easy because God is doing all the work, but we make it so much harder on ourselves. We are sheep and sheep are not the smartest animals, but we have a Good Shepherd who loves us and knows what is best. We need to listen and follow Him. We can patiently wait, but our waiting can also be active. We don't have to just sit on our hands and do nothing. God has not put us up on a shelf until the next thing is ready for us. He can use us in the waiting time. We can still worship Him even when we're confused and afraid. And we can always praise Him regardless of what stage we're in.

"While I'm Waiting"

I'm waiting, I'm waiting on You Lord
And I am hopeful, I'm waiting on You Lord
Though it is painful, but patiently I will wait

And I will move ahead bold and confident
Taking every step in obedience

While I'm waiting I will serve You
While I'm waiting I will worship
While I'm waiting I will not faint
I'll be running the race even while I wait

I'm waiting, I'm waiting on You Lord
And I am peaceful, I'm waiting on You Lord
Though it's not easy no, but faithfully I will wait
Yes, I will wait

And I will move ahead bold and confident
Taking every step in obedience

While I'm waiting I will serve You
While I'm waiting I will worship
While I'm waiting I will not faint
I'll be running the race even while I wait

I will move ahead bold and confident
I'll be taking every step in obedience, yeah

While I'm waiting I will serve You
While I'm waiting I will worship
While I'm waiting I will not faint

And I will serve You while I'm waiting
I will worship while I'm waiting
I will serve You while I'm waiting
I will worship while I'm waiting
I will serve You while I'm waiting
I will worship while I'm waiting on You Lord

I will serve You while I'm waiting
I will worship while I'm waiting
I will serve You while I'm waiting
I will worship while I'm waiting

Day 17: "You Make Me Brave"

If songs had sequels, I think this song would be the second installment of Oceans. Both songs talk about leaving the shore and going into the waves. The only way we can keep from drowning in the ocean is by keeping our eyes on Jesus. Leaving the shore is definitely a brave move, and our bravery comes from Jesus Christ. He makes the brave and risky choices everyday. We like to hold back and see what everyone else is doing first and then decide if we're going to join. Sometimes we miss out on being a part of God's plan because we are scared. God doesn't always call us to safe and easy. Sometimes He calls us to scary and risky. The only way we can say yes to that is to call on Jesus. Tap into His bravery because He lives in us. Then He can make us brave enough to say "Yes Lord! Wherever, whenever, however, whatever You say!" That's where the freedom is found. It's not in the safety of familiar, but in the unknown of letting go and trusting in the One who actually knows what's going to happen.

22 years ago today, I said "Yes!" to Jesus for the first time. It was quite a tearful affair because, even at 6 years old, I understood that I was a sinner and I needed Jesus to be my Savior. There is no redemption outside of Him. That was the greatest decision I have ever and will ever make, and I'm so thankful that I've had 22 years with Jesus--my dearest friend. I don't always make the brave choices because I listen more to myself or to the world than to what my Best Friend is saying. He is the only one who knows how it will turn out and yet I put my trust in myself more than anything else. Just like I couldn't save myself, there's nothing else I can do for the Kingdom of God on my own. I need Jesus today as much as I did 22 years ago. I'm so glad He is constant when I am untrustworthy. He loves me when I act ugly. He is selfless when I am selfish. He holds me when I'm lonely. He welcomes me back with open arms regardless of how long I've been away. He forgives and forgets my sins even when I remember and try to remind Him of what I've done. In those moments, He reminds me of what He did on the cross and how that covers anything I ever have done or will do. He can make me brave even when I'm afraid...and that's a lot.

"You Make Me Brave" (Bethel Music)

I stand before You now
The greatness of Your renown
I have heard of the majesty and wonder of You
King of Heaven in humility I bow

As Your love, in wave after wave
Crashes over me, crashes over me
For You are for us, You are not against us
Champion of Heaven
You made a way for all to enter in

I have heard You calling my name
I have heard the song of love that You sing
So I will let you draw me out beyond the shore
Into Your grace

As Your love, in wave after wave
Crashes over me, crashes over me
For You are for us, You are not against us
Champion of Heaven
You made a way for all to enter in

You make me brave, You make me brave
You call me out beyond the shore into the waves
You make me brave, You make me brave
No fear can hinder now the Love that made a way

You make me brave, You make me brave
You call me out beyond the shore into the waves
You make me brave, You make me brave
No fear can hinder now the promises You’ve made

As Your love, in wave after wave
Crashes over me, crashes over me
For You are for us, You are not against us
Champion of Heaven
You made a way for all to enter in
To Your love in wave after wave
Crashes over me, crashes over me
For You are for us, You are not against us
Champion of Heaven
You made a way for all to enter in

Day 16: "Oceans"

If you haven't heard this song, I'm sorry. It is lovely. It is also terrifying. Annie Downs wrote about this song and encouraged us to not sing it unless we mean it. It is a big and scary prayer to sing. If you just sing it without thinking about the words, you may as well be singing Taylor Swift in church. (Disclaimer: I am not a giant Tay Tay fan, but I like her exponentially more now that she's actually intending to be a pop artist instead of a poppy country artist.) Basically, who cares what the words are if we aren't going to pay attention to them? Music is an expression. It should be a means that allows you to pray or declare or ask or intercede or celebrate in a way that you can't experience through just talking or just listening. Music crosses all kinds of boundaries and sometimes that is painful, but it is usually also beneficial. Music can allow us to see a situation or another person or ourselves differently. Music communicates. The Bible tells us that God is enthroned in the praises of His people and that He rejoices over us with singing. The Bible is filled with God's people expressing themselves through song. Sometimes it's mournful. Sometimes happy. Sometimes filled with questions. But it either elicits a response from God or is done in response to God.

We can still communicate with God through music. Through song. But we don't need to take it lightly. We don't need to sing "Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders" unless we mean it. Our words should not be empty. But, if you do mean it? If you really want to say to God "wherever You would call me" then, by all means, sing it loud and proud. God's plans rarely look like our own, but they are always exactly what He needs and what we need even when we don't recognize it at first. It may be tough, but there will always be joy and fellowship with Him if you are in His will.

If you're not quite ready to sing these words yet, this song can still give you amazing reassurance that God will never leave you if you are His. Once you accept Him and become a part of His family, there is nothing that can take you out again--not uncertainty or fear or shame or guilt. Nothing. He's never failed, and He won't start now.

"Oceans (Where Feet May Fail)"

You call me out upon the waters

The great unknown where feet may fail

And there I find You in the mystery

In oceans deep

My faith will stand

 

And I will call upon Your name

And keep my eyes above the waves

When oceans rise

My soul will rest in Your embrace

For I am Yours and You are mine

 

Your grace abounds in deepest waters

Your sovereign hand

Will be my guide

Where feet may fail and fear surrounds me

You've never failed and You won't start now

 

So I will call upon Your name

And keep my eyes above the waves

When oceans rise

My soul will rest in Your embrace

For I am Yours and You are mine

 

Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders

Let me walk upon the waters

Wherever You would call me

Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander

And my faith will be made stronger

In the presence of my Savior

 

I will call upon Your name

Keep my eyes above the waves

My soul will rest in Your embrace

I am Yours and You are mine

 

Day 9: "Give Me Faith"

Being a Christian is not all sunshine and daisies. Anyone who tells you otherwise is a liar. Sometimes life in general is just hard. We all go through things that test us. The difference I see between Christians and non-Christians is hope. Even if horrible things happen to me, I can still have hope that God is in control and He knows better than me. It's not always easy. Most of the time it seems really difficult to just trust God until I do it. Once I hand it over to Him, I can rest in knowing that He knows what's going on, what I need, and how to handle anything that happens. That's the difference. If I'm facing a tough situation, I have two major paths to choose from. I can: a) try to handle it myself, lose sleep, make myself sick, get extremely stressed and anxious, have my face breakout, get bags under my eyes, stop eating, and bite everyone's heads off...then finally realize I can't do anything about it and give it over to God and rest; or b) trust God to handle it and just try to be obedient to what He tells me to do. One is obviously simpler than the other, yet I continually choose the more complicated course of action.

The song I picked today is called "Give Me Faith" and it's by Elevation Worship. I want to trust God first and not as a last resort. I want the kind of faith that allows me to just rest in knowing that I know Him and God has got me and my issues all under control. Nothing surprises Him! Even when stuff surprises me, I can still trust God to already know and have it handled. All I have to do is be obedient.

I need you to soften my heart
To break me apart
I need you to open my eyes
To see that You’re shaping my life

All I am, I surrender

Give me faith to trust what you say
That you’re good and your love is great
I’m broken inside, I give you my life

I need you to soften my heart
To break me apart
I need you pierce through the dark
And cleanse every part of me

All I am, I surrender

Give me faith to trust what you say
That you’re good and your love is great
I’m broken inside, I give you my life

I may be weak
But your Spirit’s strong in me
My flesh may fail
My God you never will

Day 7: "It is well"

Bethel Music released an album called "You Make Me Brave" and I think I love every song on it. One of my favorites is called "It is well". It alludes to the hymn which I think is great. I like it when people redo hymns without just changing up the beat and "remixing" it. This is more of a rethinking of the hymn. It kind of unpacks how things that seem earth shattering to us don't seem that big to God. Not that they aren't important...but just that they are still completely manageable and within the scope of His power and plan. Anything that seems impossible to us is completely possible to God. We have to trust Him and keep our eyes on Him. If we do that, we can see that it really can be well with our souls. If our focus shifts to our circumstances, we fall apart, but as long as we are focused on God, we can say "it is well".


Grander earth has quaked before
Moved by the sound of His voice
Seas that are shaken and stirred
Can be calmed and broken for my regard

Through it all, through it all
My eyes are on You
Through it all, through it all
It is well
Through it all, through it all
My eyes are on You
It is well with me

Far be it from me to not believe
Even when my eyes can’t see
And this mountain that’s in front of me
Will be thrown into the midst of the sea

Through it all, through it all
My eyes are on You
Through it all, through it all
It is well
Through it all, through it all
My eyes are on You
It is well, It is well

So let go my soul and trust in Him
The waves and wind still know His name

It is well with my soul
It is well with my soul
It is well with my soul
It is well, it is well with my soul

31 Days of Lyrics That Give Me the Feels

I've tried this before...this 31 days of writing thing. I usually make it to day 11 or even 15 before just stopping. I think I made it all the way through one year, but my posts got super lame near the end. Please accept my apology for lameness. For some reason, I'm trying again. 2015 style.

This year, I'm writing about song lyrics that give me feels. Some songs make me cry. Some songs make me smile. Some make me want to take off and go to Heaven already. Some lyrics don't make any sense, and I don't think I'll just be writing about Christian songs, but we'll see how it goes. I'm not giving myself too many rules this time.

31 Days of Lyrics That Give Me the Feels:

Day 1: "Be Thou My Vision"

Day 2: "Fight Song"

Day 3: "Forever"

Day 4: "Because He Lives"

Day 5: "Come Alive (Dry Bones)"

Day 6: "The Stand"

Day 7: "It is Well"

Day 8: "Bones"

Day 9: "Give Me Faith"

Day 10: "Be Born In Me"

Day 11: "I Am Not Alone"

Day 12: "Amazing Grace (My Chains Are Gone)"

Day 13: "It is Finished"

Day 14: "C.S. Lewis Song"

Day 15: "At the Cross"

Day 16: "Oceans"

Day 17: "You Make Me Brave"

Day 18: "I Will Carry You"

Day 19: "While I'm Waiting"

Day 20: "Lord, I need You"

Day 21: "Even If (The Healing Doesn't Come)"

Day 22: "Above All"

Day 23: "Jesus, Son of God"

Day 24: "Cornerstone"

Day 25: "Hard to Get"

Day 26: "Good to Me"

Day 27: "Flawless" (Not Beyonce)

Day 28: "Beautiful"

Day 29: "Just Be Held"

Day 30: "My Everything" and "Always Enough"

Day 31: "The Power of the Cross"

Day 8: How Do You Know?

You know the feeling when something just clicks? Like you've heard the same thing 1,000 times but on the 1,001st time, it makes sense? What changed? How do you know what made it click that time but not all the others? I believe most of the time, the difference is God and His timing. All the other times weren't His plan, but then all of a sudden, one time is! It's kind of exciting really. I'm not sure what had me thinking about this, but I've had God's timing on my mind for the whole day. It's a good thing to meditate on and trust in--putting my anxious thoughts and doubts aside and trusting God to handle it. Because He will. He always has before and He will not fail me in the future either. His plan may not always be what I want. It will always be better.  

I ran tonight and it clicked. I don't know what changed, but I felt like I could've kept running forever (Forrest Gump, anyone?). My pace felt right. My stride felt right. The weather was perfect. And I felt like I could actually do it. I can actually keep running. Not constantly, of course, but this is something I can do. I can get over the training plateaus and break down my mental blocks and just run. I like it. 

Day 4: Balance

Running takes a lot of balance. That may seem like an obvious statement, but I mean something different than what you're probably thinking. Yes, running requires balance so you don't fall down or hurt yourself. But running also requires balance of a different sort. I've thought about this many times while I was running (which, oddly enough, is not a great time to also type a blog post), but have forgotten what I wanted to say by the next time I sat down to write. One of the good things about writing every day for 31 days is that I don't have much of a chance to forget. So here it is.

In a lot of ways, running is a lot like life. Paul makes the comparison in 2 Timothy 4:7.."I have fought the good fight,I have finished the race,I have kept the faith." Life is like a race. Lots of people say, "Life is a marathon, not a sprint" and that's true too. But I think there are actual lessons and life applications we can learn from running. For example, I've found that when I'm running, I can't spend all of my time staring at the ground in front of me to see where my next step will land. However, I also can't spend all of my time staring up at the sky no matter how beautiful it looks like the early morning or late afternoon light. I have to find a balance. If I stare at the ground, I could run into stuff: a person, a car, a dog, a tree, a mailbox. If I stare at the sky, I could trip over all sorts of things or run off the path entirely. Neither of those outcomes sound appealing to me. So I've got to look around while I run--making sure I'm aware of my surroundings so I don't get hurt or miss anything that's happening around me. If I spent all of my time looking down or looking up exclusively, I might miss scenes like this:

      

  

 

(All of these pictures are from my half-marathon training last fall.)

If we go through life with our heads down, we might miss opportunities that God has placed in our paths. We may miss out on blessings or interactions that are literally right in front of us, but we're too focused inward to notice. But we can't ignore what's going on in our own hearts either. We have to find a balance. Thankfully, if we stay close to Jesus, the Holy Spirit will prompt us accordingly. Whether we need to take a step back and pay attention to our own lives or we need to step out and get involved in something outside of ourselves, if we're walking with Jesus and following His leading, we don't have to make those distinctions. We just have to follow. Obey. Trust.

C.S. Lewis said "True humility is not thinking less of yourself, it is thinking of yourself less."

Just like running, life needs balance. And, as Christians, our only right balance comes from being centered on Christ.

Day 3: A Confession

Do you want to know why I haven't tried to get faster yet? I haven't started my (re)training plan yet. Do you want to know why?

I'm afraid.

I'm afraid of being a faster runner.

I'm afraid of vulnerability.

I'm afraid that you won't want what I have to offer.

Yes. Even those of you I don't know. I never said my fear was rational. In fact, most of my fears are irrational or just dreamed up and fabricated in my mind. I remember a time when I wasn't afraid to be myself, but I don't remember what changed and made me withdraw. Maybe it was that big, scary, nasty, unexpected break-up in 2009. Maybe it was graduating from college and still having no idea what I wanted to do with my life. Maybe it was moving around for the next 2 years and living more out of my car than a home. Maybe it was totaling that car that felt like home. I don't know. Looking back, it could've been any of those things, or it could've been something different. Separate. Before. I don't know. All I know is that I'm tired. I'm so tired of living my life in fear. I've put all of this pressure on myself to measure up--and to what? Nothing worthwhile, that's for sure. The only thing worth trying to measure up to--the only ONE worth trying to model my life after is Jesus, and He already loves me and accepts me for who I am--not for what I can offer Him or who I'm going to be one day. He loves me NOW. He loved me yesterday. He'll love me tomorrow. Nothing I can do can make Him love me any more or any less than He does in this moment. My fears stem from a lack of trust. I project my silly, human thoughts onto the God who created everything--the sun, the moon, the stars, each of us as individuals, and my silly, human mind. My fear of being rejected means I've given more worth to things that don't matter than the One who does.

One of the verses with the "Jesus Today" devotion I read this morning was Hebrews 10:23. It says:

        Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for he who promised is faithful. (NIV)

There's a song by Sara Groves that I was first introduced to last summer at my best friend's wedding. It's called "He's Always Been Faithful". You can click here to listen. The lyrics are incredibly simple, true, and powerful. My favorite line says "All I have need of, His hand will provide. He's always been faithful to me." So basically, if God doesn't provide it, then I don't need it. Why is that so hard for me to grasp? He's not going to withhold good things from me. He LOVES me. In Luke 12, Jesus talks about why we shouldn't worry about material things (or anything else for that matter). I want to rest in Him and in His promises.

I'm afraid of getting faster because I feel like, if I do, then I'll be expected to be faster all the time. What if I have an off day or mess up? With those around me show me grace? I'm afraid of being vulnerable because I'm afraid of getting hurt. If I put myself out there and face rejection, will I ever be able to do it again? On my own strength, I can't even put myself out there the first time. But God has called me to something greater than hiding behind irrational fears. He has made me for a purpose. He has placed me here for a purpose. He has surrounded me with the people in my life for a purpose. I may not see it now. I may not see it ever in this lifetime, but that doesn't mean it isn't true. Here's the thing. I don't have to know or understand. My job is to trust and obey. Charles Spurgeon said, "Be wise and attend to the obeying, and let Christ manage the providing." That's my job. It's yours too.

Maybe you're not afraid of anything. I hope you're not. I hope you're fearless. But if you're not--if you have fears like mine or fears of your own, know that you're not alone. I just texted my sister about this post, and she said "Everybody is afraid of something." Let's be mindful of that and encourage one another instead of tearing down. Let's be FOR each other and not set against. We know the Lord is for us, and with Him on our side, we have nothing to fear.

Day 1: Why?

I decided to start with the "Why?" of REtraining for a race because I'm still kind of working that out for myself. I actually love running. I know some people hate it, and I can understand that. I personally hate jumping jacks, and you will never see me doing them joyfully. So I understand the anti-running mentality.

I used to think I hated running. Or that I wasn't "good" at it (can you even BE bad at running? Isn't it just a basic life skill?). Then, one day in the early fall of 2011, I decided to try it. I downloaded the Nike+ running app to my little iPhone, and took off. I ran one quarter of a mile without stopping and it freaked me out, so I stopped. Yes that is the truth. I thought I'd pass out or collapse if I ran more than a few steps, so I was shocked when I ran a whole .25 of a mile. The next day, I ran an entire mile. I'd love to tell you that "the rest is history" and I'm a disciplined, steady runner whether I have a race to train for or not, but that's not true. A couple of months after that first running adventure, I broke my toe and that put me out of commission for a while.

Fast forward 6 months or so. I walked a 5K in April of 2012, and decided after that to find a race and get back to training. I'm from Nashville, but moved to the Atlanta area in 2011, so I looked for half-marathons in either place. (See tomorrow's post on what made me decide to run half-marathons.) I found one I wanted to do in Nashville on November 10 and found a training program I could actually see myself doing. And from THERE, the rest is history. I ran my first half-marathon last November--almost a year ago now. My goals for the race were: 1. Don't finish last. 2. Don't fall down. 3. Run the whole time. I'm happy to tell you that I reached all 3 goals! (I dream real big.)

From then on, I've been inconsistent. That's pretty much the story of my life. I commit to do something, and then miss some days weeks months, and I kind of give up. I've found, however, that I'm less likely to give up if I have accountability. If someone is counting on me, I'll do my part. That's why I chose to write about getting back in to running for my 31 Days adventure. If you (whoever you are) are reading this, you're holding me accountable whether you know it or not. So, thank you. :) I also managed to talk my little sisters into running a 15K (9.3 miles) with me in Atlanta in January. I made them a training schedule based on the Hal Higdon training plan, and I'm going to stick to the same plan they're doing too. I'm going to specifically work on getting faster this time. We're starting with low miles so we can build a solid base, and I'd like to be faster. Since speed was not one of my goals for my first half, I have something to work off of and I can try to beat my time in the next one.

So here we are. I ran two days last week to get ready for this week, but today is the REAL start of my training plan, and it's also the start of the 31 Days of blogging. Thanks for being here and going on this journey with me. I want to take care of myself--mentally, emotionally, physically, spiritually--and running benefits all of those areas for me. I have lots of reasons why I want to run again, but I feel like God wants to take me somewhere deeper with it and with this blogging process. I'm ready for it, and I'm happy to take you with me!

Loves.

31 Days to Retraining

Once upon a time, I ran a half-marathon. This is the account of me getting back into running after nearly 5 months of...not running, and the adventure God is taking me on in the process.

Day 1: Why?

Day 2: How I chose Half-Marathons 

Day 3: A Confession 

Day 4: Balance 

Day 5: Weekend Running

Day 6: Sunday Runday? 

Day 7: Finishing Well 

Day 8: How Do You Know?

Day 9: Making Time

Day 10: Sometimes I Forget

Day 11: Fuel

Day 12: Let It Go

Day 13: Early Mornings

Day 14: A Different Kind of Fuel

Day 15: Struggle

Day 16: What We Need

Day 17: Listen

Day 18: Focus

Day 19: Even if...

Day 20: Choose Wisely

Day 21: Begin Again

Day 22: Just Keep Going

Day 23: Lifers

Day 24: Sleep?

Day 25: Time

Day 26: Decide what to be

Day 27: Happy Birthday Mom!

Day 28: Recovery

Day 29: Expectations

Day 30: Real Life

Day 31: Grace

Choosing the calm.

I procrastinate. Or maybe it just takes me longer to process things and formulate opinions and ideas. In the Color Guard world, there are two kinds of learners: microwaves and crock pots. Stay with me. A microwave learner picks something up immediately. They're quick. Like a microwave. A crock pot learner takes more time for the concept to sink in. Sometimes you have to wait a full day or even overnight, but once they've got it--it sticks. They take more time. Like a crock pot. Both ways produce the desired outcome. Neither is wrong. They're just different. I said all that to say... I think I'm a crock pot when it comes to ideas. I wanted to write about this yesterday, but I either had too much on my mind or hadn't landed on a central topic yet and I just didn't. So here I am today. Maybe it's a testament to being able to choose the calm that I'm writing this today. We'll see.


This year, I gave up coffee for Lent. (If you don't know what Lent is, you can read more about it here.) I'm not Catholic or Lutheran or Anglican. I'm Baptist. So it may seem odd to you that I participate in Lent, but it's something I started observing as a religion student at Belmont, and it helps me get my heart and mind focused and ready for Easter every year, so I've kept it up.

If you know anything about me at all, you probably know that coffee is very near and dear to my heart. I've had some wonderful friends over the years that have introduced me to quaint coffee shops and styles of brewing coffee and how espresso is actually a lot like wine in that you can taste different hints of flavors depending on the origin of the coffee beans or how it's processed. Coffee fascinates me, and I love it dearly. I didn't give up coffee for Lent to punish myself. I gave up coffee for Lent because of what coffee represented to me. Coffee had become an escape - a quick fix - an addiction. I had at least one cup every morning, but most of the time I'd have another cup or two in the afternoon or evening. I stopped drinking soft drinks almost three years ago, so coffee has been my main source of caffeine.

I am the proud owner of a Starbucks Rewards Card that has my name and "Member since 2011" stamped on the front of its shiny gold surface. I've used it so often that it's starting to show the effects of being swiped through a card reader over and over and over--sometimes multiple times a day. Not only was I essentially using coffee like a drug, I was also being irresponsible with my money by spending so much of it on coffee every month. Did you know that you can reload your Starbucks card online or from an app on your smart phone? You can. It's very easy. Too easy. After $25 here and $10 there, I was just drinking my paychecks away. If you read that sentence alone, you'd think I was talking about alcohol. Nope. Still coffee. Are you starting to see the problem I had? Kind of ridiculous. IT'S JUST COFFEE. I told myself that I didn't need it. I could live without it. But many afternoons, I'd find myself in the drive-thru on the way home from work. I'm not in college anymore. I have a normal, grown up, day job. It is not necessary for me to stay up past midnight. Ever. I don't need coffee at 5pm. Or 7pm.

Long story short, I gave up coffee because I had to. You don't have to be addicted to prescription medicine or illegal drugs or alcohol to be a "user and abuser". You can abuse anything (or anyone) by relying on them at all. If I want to really follow Jesus, I rely on Him. That's all. The end. I don't rely on anything or anyone else. Not even myself. Without Jesus, I am nothing. Without Jesus, I can do nothing. I am incapable of fixing things on my own--no matter how many times I try, I cannot do it. The good news is, Jesus already fixed it when He died in my place and then defeated death with His resurrection! (Happy Easter!) So really it's pretty stupid of me to try and fix things that Jesus already fixed. I'm doing WAY more work than I need to do. What I didn't realize was that I was using coffee as a means to fuel my pride. I was trying to control everything and handle everything by staying awake. That's so unhealthy. It's not just bad for my body, but also for my mind, my heart, my soul, my relationships, my sanity. I didn't realize any of this until I cut coffee out of my life.

The first couple of days were difficult. If you've ever given up anything addictive, you know that your body goes through withdrawals. Weaning yourself off of coffee means caffeine headaches. Good news though. Water helps. A lot. And sleep helps. And they don't last forever. Now is probably a good time to mention that I did not give up caffeine in general for Lent. Just coffee. So I still drank iced tea and hot tea and ate chocolate. (Side note: I gave up chocolate for Lent two years ago. That ship has sailed. Thankyouverymuch.) I'm 2 days post-Easter and 3 days post-Lent, and I've had approximately 4 cups of coffee since Sunday morning. I thought about not going back to it at all, but God has healed my heart in this situation. I'll spare you the tearful details, but it has been A JOURNEY. Aren't all good things part of a journey? It's definitely not over yet, but my perspective of it--of life--is different. Who knew coffee could have that kind of impact?

Drinking just tea and water for the last 6 weeks or so is what caused a shift in my perspective, and HERE is where you'll find the meaning of this post's title (...are you excited??). I like words. Let's play a word game. When you hear the word "coffee", what do you think of? Here's what I think of: energy, speed, heat, being frantic, rushing, green mermaid ladies. Next question. When you hear the word "tea", what do you think of? Here's my list: calm, warm, time, space, pretty things, refreshing. Do you see a difference? I'm not saying that drinking coffee means you're frantic or in a hurry. Coffee can be refreshing. When I think of times I've met my friends for coffee, I think of times of refreshment and restoration and soul-filling conversation. My problem wasn't with coffee. Coffee is not the bad guy here. My problem was in my heart. Whenever I felt frantic or out of control, I would turn inward to fix the problem, using coffee as fuel. What I should ALWAYS do instead is turn to Jesus. Turning to Jesus can mean more than one thing. Sometimes it's just getting alone with my Bible, my journal and a pen and spending time in God's Word. Sometimes it's going for a walk outside where I can enjoy God's creation. Sometimes it's allowing people who care ABOUT me to care FOR me. Sometimes it's asking people who are smarter than I am for help. And sometimes those situations involve coffee. Or tea. Or water. Or juice. Or ice cream. But turning to Jesus NEVER looks like me handling anything on my own.

Trying to do life alone is not what God intended for us. It's actually dangerous. God designed us for community--both with Him and with other people. In the Amplified version of the Bible, 1 Peter 5:6-7 says:

Therefore humble yourselves [demote, lower yourselves in your own estimation] 

under the mighty hand of God, that in due time He may exalt you,

Casting the whole of your care [all your anxieties, all your worries, all your concerns, once and for all] 

on Him, for He cares for you affectionately and cares about you watchfully.

Isn't that wonderful? God cares FOR me and ABOUT me. Like I said before, Jesus already finished the work on the cross. There's no work left to be done. I just have to let go and trust Him. We have the easiest jobs in the world, but so often we make things more difficult than they are. The featured blog at (in)courage today is about letting go of our worries. We carry things around that God has offered to take from us and carry for us. We are dumb, y'all. That's dumb! God is bigger than any of our problems or concerns or worries or insecurities, and (bonus!) He wants to take care of us and carry it for us! Can we just let Him? 

I'm committing to not trying to fix anything on my own. Because I can't. There is nothing too big or too small for God. I can't tell you what to do because I don't know your story. I haven't lived it. But I can tell you that it's not worth trying to carry burdens on your own. I don't have any answers to give you, so let me just encourage you. Jesus is there. Waiting patiently for us to trust Him. He will handle the hard things. Sometimes it seems hard to let go, but honestly it ends up being so much easier and so much better than holding on. 

So let go with me? Choose the calm over the storm. It's not about the coffee or the tea. It's about the state of our hearts and who we're relying on. Choose the calm. 

Love.

He is making all things new....

There's a Jon Foreman song that says "God knows what I need. You know what I need." And you know what? That is TRUE! (Actually all the lyrics to that song are perfect, so... listen to it.) It goes on to just repeat over and over "Your love is strong." Also true. I've said before that I hope I get to a point where I'm still amazed by how God shows His love for me, but not surprised. Because that's just who God is. That's what He does. He loves us, and He loves us well! Sometimes we may not understand how things work or why things happen, but God is sovereign, and that means He knows. And I don't have to. I can rest in Him and just breathe deep and trust that He knows. Because He does. DO YOU GET IT YET!? There are days that I don't. Honestly. I always should get it because He never fails to amaze me, but sometimes I get all human and I forget. How silly. Forgetting. That's why it's so important to hide God's word in our hearts and to fill our minds with things that draw us to God and not away from Him. Because when our circumstances overwhelm and we forget, we need to be reminded. God is faithful. He will bring His word to the front of your mind. But it has to be hidden in the back to be brought to the front.

"I have hidden your word in my heart that I might not sin against you." Psalm 119:11

God is faithful to His word. He is NOT human. Praise Him! Gosh, I am so glad God is not human. He is trustworthy and always remains true to His character. He says if we seek His face, He will heal. And let me tell you, He is not lying. He can't lie anyway. It's not in His nature. (!!!) He isn't joking when He says He will hear us from Heaven and forgive us and heal us. And I am so thankful.

"if my people who are called by my name humble themselves, and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven and will forgive their sin and heal their land." 2 Chronicles 7:14

God is faithful to His promises. Some of you, if we've known each other for a while, know this about me already but... God has placed a desire in my heart to see renewal and refreshing in His church. If you want more details about this, just ask. But I have been so amazed lately by His confirmation and affirmation of the vision He placed in my heart years ago. I'm also amazed by how He brings the right people and experiences into my life at the perfect times. He tells me He will, and He does. I love that.

Right now, specifically, like right this very moment, New Ministers' Orientation is happening in the building. I've been fighting back tears all morning. Not because I'm a sap, because I'm not. (Some people might even call me cynical...but I don't cry much.) No. The tears are here because of God's faithfulness. It is such a blessing to see people who are excited about the work God is doing here. People of all walks of life...full time and part time pastors...pastors who are still learning how to speak English...pastors from the mountains and pastors from the depths of the city. All here together to learn how to be more effective in reaching people for Jesus. That is so exciting! If you know me at all, you know I love orientation of all shapes and forms. I love the enthusiasm and excitement that surrounds the "new". My prayer for these pastors is that it would stay. That they would not be discouraged by people, but would be renewed by the Spirit. And my prayer for pastors who have been working at it for a long, long time is that they, too, would be renewed by the Spirit. That they would remember why they surrendered their lives to God and ministry in the first place. That they would remember the light that shines in a person's eyes when they hear about Jesus for the first time and decide to trust Him!

God is at work. Here and everywhere. I just want to be focused on being a part of His plan. I don't want to get distracted and forget. I want to be here. Present. In the middle of the excitement of His work!

"Look among the nations, and see; wonder and be astounded. 

For I am doing a work in your days that you would not believe if told." Habakkuk 1:5