Day 23: Lifers

You know how sometimes you can be with someone that knows you so well that you feel like you can just relax and be yourself and they will still love you? I hope you do know that feeling. You feel that way because you have experience with these people. They have likely lived through good times and bad times with you. They have probably seen you at your best and even at your worst, and yet! they are still right there with you! They haven't given up on you, and you haven't given up on them. Sometimes friendship isn't easy. Sometimes, you're separated from your friends my miles, hours, time zones, or state lines. Sometimes, you're in different life stages where it makes sense for you to have other friends in addition to your lifelong friends. Sometimes the roles of your lifelong friends change. That doesn't lessen their significance. It actually kind of makes them more valuable, if that's even possible.

I have some lifelong friends. I hope you do too. I'm missing my girls particularly today. No reason that I can nail down, other than it's Wednesday and I miss my lifers. These girls have played huge roles in my life already. For example, when I ran the half last November, 2 of my friends came to support me and actually ran parts of the race with me. So really my best friends have literally joined me in the race. Literally and figuratively. I am so blessed and I hope my lifers know they're missed and loved dearly. I hope you have friends like this too. We were not made to go through life alone. On the first day of this year, the post at (in)courage included this quote: "Alone is not an option." I wrote it on a post-it, stuck it on the edge of my computer screen, and I see it every day. Even when I feel like I am or want to be alone, I see that quote and I'm reminded that I was made to be in relationships with other people. Jesus was, wasn't He? The times when I feel like I want to isolate myself from the rest of the world are the times that I probably need people the most. I'm so thankful that God orchestrates my life and that I am not in charge. I'm so thankful that God brought my people into my life at the perfect times and He continues to intertwine their lives with mine. If it were up to me, I'd screw it up. But He is perfect and His timing is perfect and the relationships He builds are perfect. I am so glad I get to enjoy the ones He's brought into my life.

31 Days to Retraining

Once upon a time, I ran a half-marathon. This is the account of me getting back into running after nearly 5 months of...not running, and the adventure God is taking me on in the process.

Day 1: Why?

Day 2: How I chose Half-Marathons 

Day 3: A Confession 

Day 4: Balance 

Day 5: Weekend Running

Day 6: Sunday Runday? 

Day 7: Finishing Well 

Day 8: How Do You Know?

Day 9: Making Time

Day 10: Sometimes I Forget

Day 11: Fuel

Day 12: Let It Go

Day 13: Early Mornings

Day 14: A Different Kind of Fuel

Day 15: Struggle

Day 16: What We Need

Day 17: Listen

Day 18: Focus

Day 19: Even if...

Day 20: Choose Wisely

Day 21: Begin Again

Day 22: Just Keep Going

Day 23: Lifers

Day 24: Sleep?

Day 25: Time

Day 26: Decide what to be

Day 27: Happy Birthday Mom!

Day 28: Recovery

Day 29: Expectations

Day 30: Real Life

Day 31: Grace

Once upon a time in Tennessee...

I should've written about this yesterday, but I'm still processing.

I went to Tennessee last weekend for a wedding. This was wedding 4 of 8 for the year (April 2012-Feb 2013). I introduced Kelly and Drew at the Freshman Festival at Belmont 5 years ago, and they got married on Saturday. It was a beautiful evening filled with people that I love, and I wouldn't have missed it for the world!

I drove up Friday evening after work, and met my mom and sister at Fido (one of the best coffee shops in the world) in the middle of a monsoon. On our way home, we dropped my car off at the shop. This was planned. My car had been putting off a gasoline smell for the last two weeks or so, but my gas mileage didn't change, and there was never any other evidence of a gas leak, so I put off getting it checked out until I got to Nashville.
The wedding was Saturday night, so I was thinking my car would be fixed sometime Saturday morning, and I'd be good to go. My mechanic called me around 11 on Saturday (they close at noon), and said I wouldn't be able to get my car back until Monday. They had found the gas leak, but couldn't find what was causing it without taking the gas tank out of my car, and they couldn't do that until Monday. This is someone I trust, and I knew it was serious when he said "I can't let you drive it. Someone could flick a cigarette out their window, and you'd be a fireball." So I left it. I drove my mom's car to the wedding and rode with her to church the next morning. No problems. At lunch we discussed my options for returning to Georgia. 1. I could wait until Monday and drive my car back. 2. I could drive mom's car back since she's coming down tomorrow anyway. We decided that it would be best for me to go ahead and come back on Sunday evening so I wouldn't have to miss work. Mom would just pick up my car when it was ready and drive it down this weekend so we could trade. This was a good plan until we left the restaurant. We made it about 5 feet before realizing we had a flat tire and needed to stop. I looked at her and said "Looks like I'm staying until tomorrow!" I made all the necessary contacts and we called AAA to come take care of us. We made it home, and I was able to spend some time Sunday night with more of my family that I would've missed had I gone back to Georgia that day. I'm extremely grateful for that.
Monday morning came. Autumn headed to Giles Country High School to teach color guard at their band camp, and mom headed to work--leaving me at my grandparents' house with no car. I was just waiting. That's been the recurring theme of my life lately. Maybe you've picked up on it in earlier posts. I'm in a waiting phase spiritually, but on Monday, I was waiting in every way. I found out Monday afternoon around 3:30 that the gas leak in my car was a result of a broken fuel pump. Those things are made of plastic, and part of mine was cracked. I drive a Saturn. No one makes Saturns anymore. None of the vendors my mechanic uses had the part that my car needed. He had to call GM dealerships to find the right one, and he ended up finding a dealer who had one model like the one we needed. He couldn't get it to the shop until Tuesday morning. Mom's tires were coming in and being changed on Tuesday morning also. So I was stranded in Nashville for another night. I called my sister in New York because we understand each others' struggles. We talked for a really long time, and she reminded me that I had JUST blogged about how much I missed my grandparents' house. And that's where I was stranded. I should be happy in spite of the circumstances! She also reminded me that this world is not our home, and nothing will ever be perfect until we get to our real home--Heaven. If it wasn't the fuel pump on my car and the tire on Mom's car, it would be something else. Monday night, I was able to spend some time with just my mom. We haven't really done that in years. We made dinner and watched "Pride and Prejudice" and ate ice cream. It was great.
Tuesday morning, I got up and ran in hell. Seriously. The heat index was 101 and the humidity was at 70%. But I was grateful to get to run there again. It's my favorite place. I packed up my stuff and showered and went with my parents to pick up my car. It was really expensive, but through the generosity of my sister and some strategic planning from me and mom, we made it happen. Oh! And, for the first time in about 4 years, I drove between Nashville and Atlanta in gorgeous weather the whole way!

I'm so thankful for my family and friends and good memories and for my car. I try to not take anything for granted because I know that the Cross was enough. I don't deserve salvation, but God gave it to me anyway. Anything above and beyond that is blessing, and I want to be appropriately thankful for everything the Lord gives. This past weekend in Tennessee was a growing and learning experience for me. I feel different being back. It's always nice to gain a little perspective. I'll leave you with snippets of the weekend in picture form.

Love.

 Clouds on the way to Nashy

 Fido Fun

With my beautiful MARRIED friends! (and mark...)

 The Fellowship at Two Rivers

 Sunday Highlights

My favorite place

Heat.

 Driving home

"Can't count the barns I've passed...painted red, white and black..."

Redemption.

Do you ever make the same mistakes over and over again? Or have a hard time taking your own advice? Or spend so much time looking at the specks in the eyes of others that you never notice the huge plank in your own? I do. I'm guilty of all of those things.

Oftentimes, I'm so busy doing what I think is good... encouraging others to seek the Lord, reminding my friends that God is in control, blogging about how we use our words and living a life filled with grace and thanksgiving, tweeting Bible verses and Charles Spurgeon quotes...I get so caught up in the doing that I forget to be.

Jesus calls me to be still. And I respond by being anxiously frantic. I try to fix everything and everyone myself. I miss out on the whispers because I'm looking for neon signs. My relationship with Christ suffers because of my misappropriation of attention. Not only that, but my relationships with the people I care most about suffer as well. It's pretty easy for me to respond to people that I don't know that well with grace and mercy. But my best friends? My sisters? My favorites? I am hardened and harsh.

WHY? I try to write it off as feeling like I can "be myself" around them or thinking that they'll forgive a snippy comment because they've had more experience with my "good side", but those are nothing but excuses. The real issue is me. My pride. My selfishness. My sin. Those are the relationships I should be most careful with. I can say that I cherish them with my mouth, but until I cherish them in my heart, what good am I doing? The BIGGER issue is this: If I feel like spouting off is part of "being myself", who am I? Like I mentioned the other day, the Bible says that our mouths speak out of the abundance of our hearts. If I'm snarky and judgmental when my guard is down, what is in my heart? Snarky judgment. How many relationships have I ruined and how many hearts have I wounded by "being myself"?

I'm thankful that my God is the God of second chances. And third chances. And hundredth chances. I'm thankful that He responds to me with grace and mercy when I deserve nothing but hell. I'm thankful that when He looks at me, He sees a new creation and not the filthy, sin-stained person that I once was. I'm thankful that He has promised to finish the work He has started in me. I'm thankful that He has removed my sin from me and placed it as far away as the east is from the west.

Oh God, get me out of the way. Live through me. In You, I am a new creation. Help me to act like it. Thank You for grace and mercy and redemption and restoration. Make me more like You.

Simply Grace.

My B. Friend gave me a book for Christmas. It's called "One Thousand Gifts", and it was written by Ann Voskamp. Katie thought I'd enjoy this book because I had recently set out on a journey to be more grateful for the little things, and that is essentially what Ann's book is about. I knew as soon as I started it, this book was going to be a big deal. And I was right. I'm pretty sure I've underlined 50% of what I've read so far.
I was delighted to find that Ann also has a blog where she writes almost every day. You can find it here.  [as a side note, her blog has excellent background music!] I've also found countless phrases of wisdom on Ann's blog, and have started a notebook with quotes from the book and the blog that I want to remember or ruminate on for a little longer.
One thing that Ann says frequently...but I didn't quite understand until today...is "All's grace." She was featured on The Today Show, and she said "It's grace to be here." I kind of just chocked it up to being a Canadian thing that, as a Deep Southerner, I would never understand. I was wrong. Today, Ann posted on her blog about forgiving our enemies. She included a prayer that she sometimes prays as she's sitting and knitting at the end of a day. This is what it says:

Bless my enemies, O Lord. Even I bless them and do not curse them.

Enemies have driven me into your embrace more than friends have.

Enemies have loosed me from earth more than friends have…

Enemies have made me a hunted animal,
finding safer shelter than an unhunted animal does.

I found safest sanctuary in You…may too my enemies-made-grace.

I found greatest grace in You… may my enemies-made-grace

find Your generous grace alive and radical in me.

I found fullest forgiveness in You…
may my enemies-made-grace find faith and freedom in You
and Your forgiveness working surprising ways in me.

The longer I walk with you, Lord, I find I have no enemies:

only your gift of chisels etching me deep.

Bless my enemies, O Lord. Even I bless them and do not curse them.

 Enemies. Made. Grace.
"The longer I walk with you, Lord, I find I have no enemies: only your gift of chisels etching me deep."
All's grace. My enemies have been made grace because God uses them to shape me and mold me and form me into who He wants me to be.

 "We are assured and know that [God being a partner in their labor] all things work together and are [fitting into a plan] for good to and for those who love God and are called according to [His] design and purpose."
Romans 8:28 (AMP)

All things work together. Enemies and friends. Good and bad. Easy and hard. Comfortable and awkward. All things work together because God is a partner in their labor. He shapes everything to work together for my good because I love Him and am called according to His design and purpose.
Praise the Lord!
All is Grace...

Alicia