Day 1: Why?

I decided to start with the "Why?" of REtraining for a race because I'm still kind of working that out for myself. I actually love running. I know some people hate it, and I can understand that. I personally hate jumping jacks, and you will never see me doing them joyfully. So I understand the anti-running mentality.

I used to think I hated running. Or that I wasn't "good" at it (can you even BE bad at running? Isn't it just a basic life skill?). Then, one day in the early fall of 2011, I decided to try it. I downloaded the Nike+ running app to my little iPhone, and took off. I ran one quarter of a mile without stopping and it freaked me out, so I stopped. Yes that is the truth. I thought I'd pass out or collapse if I ran more than a few steps, so I was shocked when I ran a whole .25 of a mile. The next day, I ran an entire mile. I'd love to tell you that "the rest is history" and I'm a disciplined, steady runner whether I have a race to train for or not, but that's not true. A couple of months after that first running adventure, I broke my toe and that put me out of commission for a while.

Fast forward 6 months or so. I walked a 5K in April of 2012, and decided after that to find a race and get back to training. I'm from Nashville, but moved to the Atlanta area in 2011, so I looked for half-marathons in either place. (See tomorrow's post on what made me decide to run half-marathons.) I found one I wanted to do in Nashville on November 10 and found a training program I could actually see myself doing. And from THERE, the rest is history. I ran my first half-marathon last November--almost a year ago now. My goals for the race were: 1. Don't finish last. 2. Don't fall down. 3. Run the whole time. I'm happy to tell you that I reached all 3 goals! (I dream real big.)

From then on, I've been inconsistent. That's pretty much the story of my life. I commit to do something, and then miss some days weeks months, and I kind of give up. I've found, however, that I'm less likely to give up if I have accountability. If someone is counting on me, I'll do my part. That's why I chose to write about getting back in to running for my 31 Days adventure. If you (whoever you are) are reading this, you're holding me accountable whether you know it or not. So, thank you. :) I also managed to talk my little sisters into running a 15K (9.3 miles) with me in Atlanta in January. I made them a training schedule based on the Hal Higdon training plan, and I'm going to stick to the same plan they're doing too. I'm going to specifically work on getting faster this time. We're starting with low miles so we can build a solid base, and I'd like to be faster. Since speed was not one of my goals for my first half, I have something to work off of and I can try to beat my time in the next one.

So here we are. I ran two days last week to get ready for this week, but today is the REAL start of my training plan, and it's also the start of the 31 Days of blogging. Thanks for being here and going on this journey with me. I want to take care of myself--mentally, emotionally, physically, spiritually--and running benefits all of those areas for me. I have lots of reasons why I want to run again, but I feel like God wants to take me somewhere deeper with it and with this blogging process. I'm ready for it, and I'm happy to take you with me!

Loves.

31 Days to Retraining

Once upon a time, I ran a half-marathon. This is the account of me getting back into running after nearly 5 months of...not running, and the adventure God is taking me on in the process.

Day 1: Why?

Day 2: How I chose Half-Marathons 

Day 3: A Confession 

Day 4: Balance 

Day 5: Weekend Running

Day 6: Sunday Runday? 

Day 7: Finishing Well 

Day 8: How Do You Know?

Day 9: Making Time

Day 10: Sometimes I Forget

Day 11: Fuel

Day 12: Let It Go

Day 13: Early Mornings

Day 14: A Different Kind of Fuel

Day 15: Struggle

Day 16: What We Need

Day 17: Listen

Day 18: Focus

Day 19: Even if...

Day 20: Choose Wisely

Day 21: Begin Again

Day 22: Just Keep Going

Day 23: Lifers

Day 24: Sleep?

Day 25: Time

Day 26: Decide what to be

Day 27: Happy Birthday Mom!

Day 28: Recovery

Day 29: Expectations

Day 30: Real Life

Day 31: Grace

Choosing the calm.

I procrastinate. Or maybe it just takes me longer to process things and formulate opinions and ideas. In the Color Guard world, there are two kinds of learners: microwaves and crock pots. Stay with me. A microwave learner picks something up immediately. They're quick. Like a microwave. A crock pot learner takes more time for the concept to sink in. Sometimes you have to wait a full day or even overnight, but once they've got it--it sticks. They take more time. Like a crock pot. Both ways produce the desired outcome. Neither is wrong. They're just different. I said all that to say... I think I'm a crock pot when it comes to ideas. I wanted to write about this yesterday, but I either had too much on my mind or hadn't landed on a central topic yet and I just didn't. So here I am today. Maybe it's a testament to being able to choose the calm that I'm writing this today. We'll see.


This year, I gave up coffee for Lent. (If you don't know what Lent is, you can read more about it here.) I'm not Catholic or Lutheran or Anglican. I'm Baptist. So it may seem odd to you that I participate in Lent, but it's something I started observing as a religion student at Belmont, and it helps me get my heart and mind focused and ready for Easter every year, so I've kept it up.

If you know anything about me at all, you probably know that coffee is very near and dear to my heart. I've had some wonderful friends over the years that have introduced me to quaint coffee shops and styles of brewing coffee and how espresso is actually a lot like wine in that you can taste different hints of flavors depending on the origin of the coffee beans or how it's processed. Coffee fascinates me, and I love it dearly. I didn't give up coffee for Lent to punish myself. I gave up coffee for Lent because of what coffee represented to me. Coffee had become an escape - a quick fix - an addiction. I had at least one cup every morning, but most of the time I'd have another cup or two in the afternoon or evening. I stopped drinking soft drinks almost three years ago, so coffee has been my main source of caffeine.

I am the proud owner of a Starbucks Rewards Card that has my name and "Member since 2011" stamped on the front of its shiny gold surface. I've used it so often that it's starting to show the effects of being swiped through a card reader over and over and over--sometimes multiple times a day. Not only was I essentially using coffee like a drug, I was also being irresponsible with my money by spending so much of it on coffee every month. Did you know that you can reload your Starbucks card online or from an app on your smart phone? You can. It's very easy. Too easy. After $25 here and $10 there, I was just drinking my paychecks away. If you read that sentence alone, you'd think I was talking about alcohol. Nope. Still coffee. Are you starting to see the problem I had? Kind of ridiculous. IT'S JUST COFFEE. I told myself that I didn't need it. I could live without it. But many afternoons, I'd find myself in the drive-thru on the way home from work. I'm not in college anymore. I have a normal, grown up, day job. It is not necessary for me to stay up past midnight. Ever. I don't need coffee at 5pm. Or 7pm.

Long story short, I gave up coffee because I had to. You don't have to be addicted to prescription medicine or illegal drugs or alcohol to be a "user and abuser". You can abuse anything (or anyone) by relying on them at all. If I want to really follow Jesus, I rely on Him. That's all. The end. I don't rely on anything or anyone else. Not even myself. Without Jesus, I am nothing. Without Jesus, I can do nothing. I am incapable of fixing things on my own--no matter how many times I try, I cannot do it. The good news is, Jesus already fixed it when He died in my place and then defeated death with His resurrection! (Happy Easter!) So really it's pretty stupid of me to try and fix things that Jesus already fixed. I'm doing WAY more work than I need to do. What I didn't realize was that I was using coffee as a means to fuel my pride. I was trying to control everything and handle everything by staying awake. That's so unhealthy. It's not just bad for my body, but also for my mind, my heart, my soul, my relationships, my sanity. I didn't realize any of this until I cut coffee out of my life.

The first couple of days were difficult. If you've ever given up anything addictive, you know that your body goes through withdrawals. Weaning yourself off of coffee means caffeine headaches. Good news though. Water helps. A lot. And sleep helps. And they don't last forever. Now is probably a good time to mention that I did not give up caffeine in general for Lent. Just coffee. So I still drank iced tea and hot tea and ate chocolate. (Side note: I gave up chocolate for Lent two years ago. That ship has sailed. Thankyouverymuch.) I'm 2 days post-Easter and 3 days post-Lent, and I've had approximately 4 cups of coffee since Sunday morning. I thought about not going back to it at all, but God has healed my heart in this situation. I'll spare you the tearful details, but it has been A JOURNEY. Aren't all good things part of a journey? It's definitely not over yet, but my perspective of it--of life--is different. Who knew coffee could have that kind of impact?

Drinking just tea and water for the last 6 weeks or so is what caused a shift in my perspective, and HERE is where you'll find the meaning of this post's title (...are you excited??). I like words. Let's play a word game. When you hear the word "coffee", what do you think of? Here's what I think of: energy, speed, heat, being frantic, rushing, green mermaid ladies. Next question. When you hear the word "tea", what do you think of? Here's my list: calm, warm, time, space, pretty things, refreshing. Do you see a difference? I'm not saying that drinking coffee means you're frantic or in a hurry. Coffee can be refreshing. When I think of times I've met my friends for coffee, I think of times of refreshment and restoration and soul-filling conversation. My problem wasn't with coffee. Coffee is not the bad guy here. My problem was in my heart. Whenever I felt frantic or out of control, I would turn inward to fix the problem, using coffee as fuel. What I should ALWAYS do instead is turn to Jesus. Turning to Jesus can mean more than one thing. Sometimes it's just getting alone with my Bible, my journal and a pen and spending time in God's Word. Sometimes it's going for a walk outside where I can enjoy God's creation. Sometimes it's allowing people who care ABOUT me to care FOR me. Sometimes it's asking people who are smarter than I am for help. And sometimes those situations involve coffee. Or tea. Or water. Or juice. Or ice cream. But turning to Jesus NEVER looks like me handling anything on my own.

Trying to do life alone is not what God intended for us. It's actually dangerous. God designed us for community--both with Him and with other people. In the Amplified version of the Bible, 1 Peter 5:6-7 says:

Therefore humble yourselves [demote, lower yourselves in your own estimation] 

under the mighty hand of God, that in due time He may exalt you,

Casting the whole of your care [all your anxieties, all your worries, all your concerns, once and for all] 

on Him, for He cares for you affectionately and cares about you watchfully.

Isn't that wonderful? God cares FOR me and ABOUT me. Like I said before, Jesus already finished the work on the cross. There's no work left to be done. I just have to let go and trust Him. We have the easiest jobs in the world, but so often we make things more difficult than they are. The featured blog at (in)courage today is about letting go of our worries. We carry things around that God has offered to take from us and carry for us. We are dumb, y'all. That's dumb! God is bigger than any of our problems or concerns or worries or insecurities, and (bonus!) He wants to take care of us and carry it for us! Can we just let Him? 

I'm committing to not trying to fix anything on my own. Because I can't. There is nothing too big or too small for God. I can't tell you what to do because I don't know your story. I haven't lived it. But I can tell you that it's not worth trying to carry burdens on your own. I don't have any answers to give you, so let me just encourage you. Jesus is there. Waiting patiently for us to trust Him. He will handle the hard things. Sometimes it seems hard to let go, but honestly it ends up being so much easier and so much better than holding on. 

So let go with me? Choose the calm over the storm. It's not about the coffee or the tea. It's about the state of our hearts and who we're relying on. Choose the calm. 

Love.

He is making all things new....

There's a Jon Foreman song that says "God knows what I need. You know what I need." And you know what? That is TRUE! (Actually all the lyrics to that song are perfect, so... listen to it.) It goes on to just repeat over and over "Your love is strong." Also true. I've said before that I hope I get to a point where I'm still amazed by how God shows His love for me, but not surprised. Because that's just who God is. That's what He does. He loves us, and He loves us well! Sometimes we may not understand how things work or why things happen, but God is sovereign, and that means He knows. And I don't have to. I can rest in Him and just breathe deep and trust that He knows. Because He does. DO YOU GET IT YET!? There are days that I don't. Honestly. I always should get it because He never fails to amaze me, but sometimes I get all human and I forget. How silly. Forgetting. That's why it's so important to hide God's word in our hearts and to fill our minds with things that draw us to God and not away from Him. Because when our circumstances overwhelm and we forget, we need to be reminded. God is faithful. He will bring His word to the front of your mind. But it has to be hidden in the back to be brought to the front.

"I have hidden your word in my heart that I might not sin against you." Psalm 119:11

God is faithful to His word. He is NOT human. Praise Him! Gosh, I am so glad God is not human. He is trustworthy and always remains true to His character. He says if we seek His face, He will heal. And let me tell you, He is not lying. He can't lie anyway. It's not in His nature. (!!!) He isn't joking when He says He will hear us from Heaven and forgive us and heal us. And I am so thankful.

"if my people who are called by my name humble themselves, and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven and will forgive their sin and heal their land." 2 Chronicles 7:14

God is faithful to His promises. Some of you, if we've known each other for a while, know this about me already but... God has placed a desire in my heart to see renewal and refreshing in His church. If you want more details about this, just ask. But I have been so amazed lately by His confirmation and affirmation of the vision He placed in my heart years ago. I'm also amazed by how He brings the right people and experiences into my life at the perfect times. He tells me He will, and He does. I love that.

Right now, specifically, like right this very moment, New Ministers' Orientation is happening in the building. I've been fighting back tears all morning. Not because I'm a sap, because I'm not. (Some people might even call me cynical...but I don't cry much.) No. The tears are here because of God's faithfulness. It is such a blessing to see people who are excited about the work God is doing here. People of all walks of life...full time and part time pastors...pastors who are still learning how to speak English...pastors from the mountains and pastors from the depths of the city. All here together to learn how to be more effective in reaching people for Jesus. That is so exciting! If you know me at all, you know I love orientation of all shapes and forms. I love the enthusiasm and excitement that surrounds the "new". My prayer for these pastors is that it would stay. That they would not be discouraged by people, but would be renewed by the Spirit. And my prayer for pastors who have been working at it for a long, long time is that they, too, would be renewed by the Spirit. That they would remember why they surrendered their lives to God and ministry in the first place. That they would remember the light that shines in a person's eyes when they hear about Jesus for the first time and decide to trust Him!

God is at work. Here and everywhere. I just want to be focused on being a part of His plan. I don't want to get distracted and forget. I want to be here. Present. In the middle of the excitement of His work!

"Look among the nations, and see; wonder and be astounded. 

For I am doing a work in your days that you would not believe if told." Habakkuk 1:5

Bro? Brothers? ...Brethren?

This week has been a rough one for the littlest sister. I won't go into details here, but she's been sad and her heart has been hurting. She's my sister. We're "cut from the same cloth"..."kindred spirits". When she hurts, I hurt. Physically and emotionally. I don't know if that's normal or unusual because I've never known anything else. I have 3 sisters, and we all not only love each other, but we like each other too. We enjoy spending time together. Whenever I go home, I always see a sister. I don't always see my friends, but I always see at least one sister. That's what we do. The oldest is coming through Atlanta on Thursday, so we're going to get coffee. That's what we do too. Coffee. It's our thing. Sister-friendships and coffee.

Anyway... thinking about how my sister's pain causes me pain and how seeing any of them happy makes me happy got me thinking about another family I'm in...the family of God. I taught in Sunday School this week, and our lesson was about how nothing can take us out of the family of God once we're in. It's the same type of bond that we share with our physical families. Just like nothing I do can change my DNA and make me no longer related to my biological family, nothing I do can change my status in the family of God. Once you accept His gift of salvation, you're in forever.

Paul writes to the Romans about how we, as Christians, should act...

Let love be genuine. Abhor what is evil; hold fast to what is good. 

Love one another with brotherly affection. Outdo one another in showing honor. 

Do not be slothful in zeal, be fervent in spirit, serve the Lord. 

Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer. 

Contribute to the needs of the saints and seek to show hospitality. 

Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse them. 

Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep. 

Live in harmony with one another. Do not be haughty, but associate with the lowly. 

Never be wise in your own sight. 

Repay no one evil for evil, but give thought to do what is honorable in the sight of all. 

If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all. 

Romans 12:9-18 

All those things in italics remind me of my relationship with my sisters. Or how it should be. That's how our relationships with ALL other Christians should be. With ALL PEOPLE even. The verse that confirms this for me is 18... "so far as it depends on you...". So many times I allow my self to get in the way and I don't let the love of God shine through me. So many times I base my actions and reactions on the actions of others. That's really not smart. Especially if that other person is not a Christian. 

I grew up fighting with my sisters. I still fight with my sisters. But if any of you decided to fight with my sisters, you'd have to go through me. Back in May, I wrote a blog about how stupid it is for us (Christians) to fight with each other when we're really on the same side of the battle. Ephesians tells us our battles aren't against flesh and blood anyway. And Exodus tells us that the Lord will fight for us, so we just have to be still (and not try to fight for ourselves). But here we are...fighting amongst ourselves instead of sticking up for each other like siblings. We don't defend each other against our enemy. We don't go to the Lord in prayer on behalf of each other nearly enough. We don't try to outdo each other in showing honor. We try to outdo each other in popularity and recognition and accolades. (Pharisees, anyone?) If possible, as far as it depends on us, we look our for ourselves. If our needs are met and everything we want is happening, then we'll be perfectly peacable with each other. If not, then the gloves come off and Lord help whoever is in our way. Because obviously our personal agenda is much more important than God's agenda, right? No. Not according to Paul in Romans 12. Paul says we're supposed to bless those who persecute us. What do you think that means we should do for those who love us? Good news. Read it again. He tells us. Thanks, Paul! 

Let me assure you that I do not get this right. Especially Even with my biological siblings. But I'm trying. Ask me about it. I'm trying to be more like Jesus. I want to be more like Jesus. And it sure is a process! Hold me accountable. And let's try to live like Paul tells us to. 

Loves.

Brakes.

Do you ever feel like your life is moving a lot faster than you'd like? Kind of the same feeling you got as a kid when you're riding your bike or a skateboard or a sled down a hill and you suddenly realize you're no longer in control? You have two choices: bail out or ride it out. Both carry their own dangers and consequences and uncertainties. If you bail, you might miss the best part, and who knows what you'll hit when you try to stop. If you ride it out you could end up hurting, or you could coast to a gentle stop. There's risk in both bailing and sticking with it. And whichever you end up choosing, you never know what would've happened if you had gone with the other option.

Life is a lot like that sometimes. This summer, someone asked me where I was from, and I just looked at them because I could not think of the right answer. My instinct was to say "Nashville", but I haven't lived there in a year and a half. So even though it's where I'm ORIGINALLY from, it's not the answer anymore. Even though I moved away a while ago, not living there is still an adjustment. Every. Day.

There are times that I think life would be easier if I just moved back. And it probably would. But when I chose to follow Jesus, I gave up on having an easy life. Following Jesus means that I have to be uncomfortable sometimes. So I find my comfort in Him. It means I have to be uncertain sometimes. So I find truth and certainty in Him. It means I have to be exhausted and spent sometimes. So I find rest in Him. If I moved back to Nashville, between me and the people who love me there, we could figure out what the whole rest of my life would look like. I'm sure it would be very sweet and easy. However, I don't want that life. I want the life that God has designed for me. I don't have a clue what that looks like past today, but I'm sticking it out and hanging on. I want to see where this one goes. I bail out of scary things a lot. But I'm not doing it this time. I know without a doubt that the Lord's plans for me are way, way, way better than anything I could ever plan for myself.

This morning Christine Caine tweeted this:

"To avoid burnout, 

ensure you are doing what God wants you to do, 

not what everyone else wants you to do."

So that's what I want. What God wants. Not what I want for me. Not what you want for me. I want what God has. The End.

Loves.

Piano Lessons?

Dear Parents,
When your 7 year old cries and begs you to let them quit piano lessons, say no. They will regret it when they're 25.
Sincerely,
A 25 year old who regrets quitting piano lessons at age 7


Lots of thoughts today. Most of them are disconnected from the others. It's Thursday, and some weeks Thursday is the best. This week, Thursday is weird. All day long, strange things have been happening.
Here are some examples:

1. This morning, I sat still in traffic for at least 20 minutes. When I finally reached the reason for sitting still, I found 3 police cars and one "civilian" car with no hubcap. ...really? 
2. When I was getting off the interstate, a policeman walked across the road in front of me and I almost had to come to a complete stop to let him cross. There were no cars behind me. He couldn't just wait? 
3. Yesterday, I spilled coffee down my dress like a normal person. Today, I spilled coffee up my nose. Yes. This is real life.
4. My office building smells like pizza and a hot glue gun, but my desk smells like perfume...which I did not wear today.
5. Most of what I've touched today I have either dropped or knocked over.                                                 Exhibit A (at least it was empty): 

 

So that's what my Thursday has looked like so far. I like rockin' Thursdays more. On a brighter note, I did learn something new this morning, and everyone I've talked to on the phone has been pleasant! Also, I haven't sneezed yet. My coworker and I consider the day a success if we can make it to 2pm or later without sneezing. Well folks, it's 2:15, and I'm sneeze free. So far. Success.

On an even brighter note, one of the blogs I read really resonated with me today. Katy Brooks writes about Jesus and fitness and pretty things and health, and I like her. You can find her blog here. The post I'm referring to was actually from last night. Katy writes about how being concerned with your body image is really living a life of bondage, and I needed to read it. Maybe you do too. Even if you're a boy. It might help you (boys) get a better handle on how we (girls) think sometimes. Or don't read it. Totally your call.
Anyway, I just think Katy is spot on. We do live a life of bondage even though Jesus took our punishment and has set us free. We are so dumb!

So my prayer for you today is that your Thursday is beneficial even if it's weird like mine. I hope it's taught you something or helped you grow or allowed you to invest in someone else. My prayer for you AND me is that we would live in our freedom and not be stuck in the bondage of our humanity. Praise God for freedom!

Loves.