Day 16: "Oceans"

If you haven't heard this song, I'm sorry. It is lovely. It is also terrifying. Annie Downs wrote about this song and encouraged us to not sing it unless we mean it. It is a big and scary prayer to sing. If you just sing it without thinking about the words, you may as well be singing Taylor Swift in church. (Disclaimer: I am not a giant Tay Tay fan, but I like her exponentially more now that she's actually intending to be a pop artist instead of a poppy country artist.) Basically, who cares what the words are if we aren't going to pay attention to them? Music is an expression. It should be a means that allows you to pray or declare or ask or intercede or celebrate in a way that you can't experience through just talking or just listening. Music crosses all kinds of boundaries and sometimes that is painful, but it is usually also beneficial. Music can allow us to see a situation or another person or ourselves differently. Music communicates. The Bible tells us that God is enthroned in the praises of His people and that He rejoices over us with singing. The Bible is filled with God's people expressing themselves through song. Sometimes it's mournful. Sometimes happy. Sometimes filled with questions. But it either elicits a response from God or is done in response to God.

We can still communicate with God through music. Through song. But we don't need to take it lightly. We don't need to sing "Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders" unless we mean it. Our words should not be empty. But, if you do mean it? If you really want to say to God "wherever You would call me" then, by all means, sing it loud and proud. God's plans rarely look like our own, but they are always exactly what He needs and what we need even when we don't recognize it at first. It may be tough, but there will always be joy and fellowship with Him if you are in His will.

If you're not quite ready to sing these words yet, this song can still give you amazing reassurance that God will never leave you if you are His. Once you accept Him and become a part of His family, there is nothing that can take you out again--not uncertainty or fear or shame or guilt. Nothing. He's never failed, and He won't start now.

"Oceans (Where Feet May Fail)"

You call me out upon the waters

The great unknown where feet may fail

And there I find You in the mystery

In oceans deep

My faith will stand

 

And I will call upon Your name

And keep my eyes above the waves

When oceans rise

My soul will rest in Your embrace

For I am Yours and You are mine

 

Your grace abounds in deepest waters

Your sovereign hand

Will be my guide

Where feet may fail and fear surrounds me

You've never failed and You won't start now

 

So I will call upon Your name

And keep my eyes above the waves

When oceans rise

My soul will rest in Your embrace

For I am Yours and You are mine

 

Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders

Let me walk upon the waters

Wherever You would call me

Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander

And my faith will be made stronger

In the presence of my Savior

 

I will call upon Your name

Keep my eyes above the waves

My soul will rest in Your embrace

I am Yours and You are mine

 

Day 3: A Confession

Do you want to know why I haven't tried to get faster yet? I haven't started my (re)training plan yet. Do you want to know why?

I'm afraid.

I'm afraid of being a faster runner.

I'm afraid of vulnerability.

I'm afraid that you won't want what I have to offer.

Yes. Even those of you I don't know. I never said my fear was rational. In fact, most of my fears are irrational or just dreamed up and fabricated in my mind. I remember a time when I wasn't afraid to be myself, but I don't remember what changed and made me withdraw. Maybe it was that big, scary, nasty, unexpected break-up in 2009. Maybe it was graduating from college and still having no idea what I wanted to do with my life. Maybe it was moving around for the next 2 years and living more out of my car than a home. Maybe it was totaling that car that felt like home. I don't know. Looking back, it could've been any of those things, or it could've been something different. Separate. Before. I don't know. All I know is that I'm tired. I'm so tired of living my life in fear. I've put all of this pressure on myself to measure up--and to what? Nothing worthwhile, that's for sure. The only thing worth trying to measure up to--the only ONE worth trying to model my life after is Jesus, and He already loves me and accepts me for who I am--not for what I can offer Him or who I'm going to be one day. He loves me NOW. He loved me yesterday. He'll love me tomorrow. Nothing I can do can make Him love me any more or any less than He does in this moment. My fears stem from a lack of trust. I project my silly, human thoughts onto the God who created everything--the sun, the moon, the stars, each of us as individuals, and my silly, human mind. My fear of being rejected means I've given more worth to things that don't matter than the One who does.

One of the verses with the "Jesus Today" devotion I read this morning was Hebrews 10:23. It says:

        Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for he who promised is faithful. (NIV)

There's a song by Sara Groves that I was first introduced to last summer at my best friend's wedding. It's called "He's Always Been Faithful". You can click here to listen. The lyrics are incredibly simple, true, and powerful. My favorite line says "All I have need of, His hand will provide. He's always been faithful to me." So basically, if God doesn't provide it, then I don't need it. Why is that so hard for me to grasp? He's not going to withhold good things from me. He LOVES me. In Luke 12, Jesus talks about why we shouldn't worry about material things (or anything else for that matter). I want to rest in Him and in His promises.

I'm afraid of getting faster because I feel like, if I do, then I'll be expected to be faster all the time. What if I have an off day or mess up? With those around me show me grace? I'm afraid of being vulnerable because I'm afraid of getting hurt. If I put myself out there and face rejection, will I ever be able to do it again? On my own strength, I can't even put myself out there the first time. But God has called me to something greater than hiding behind irrational fears. He has made me for a purpose. He has placed me here for a purpose. He has surrounded me with the people in my life for a purpose. I may not see it now. I may not see it ever in this lifetime, but that doesn't mean it isn't true. Here's the thing. I don't have to know or understand. My job is to trust and obey. Charles Spurgeon said, "Be wise and attend to the obeying, and let Christ manage the providing." That's my job. It's yours too.

Maybe you're not afraid of anything. I hope you're not. I hope you're fearless. But if you're not--if you have fears like mine or fears of your own, know that you're not alone. I just texted my sister about this post, and she said "Everybody is afraid of something." Let's be mindful of that and encourage one another instead of tearing down. Let's be FOR each other and not set against. We know the Lord is for us, and with Him on our side, we have nothing to fear.

31 Days to Retraining

Once upon a time, I ran a half-marathon. This is the account of me getting back into running after nearly 5 months of...not running, and the adventure God is taking me on in the process.

Day 1: Why?

Day 2: How I chose Half-Marathons 

Day 3: A Confession 

Day 4: Balance 

Day 5: Weekend Running

Day 6: Sunday Runday? 

Day 7: Finishing Well 

Day 8: How Do You Know?

Day 9: Making Time

Day 10: Sometimes I Forget

Day 11: Fuel

Day 12: Let It Go

Day 13: Early Mornings

Day 14: A Different Kind of Fuel

Day 15: Struggle

Day 16: What We Need

Day 17: Listen

Day 18: Focus

Day 19: Even if...

Day 20: Choose Wisely

Day 21: Begin Again

Day 22: Just Keep Going

Day 23: Lifers

Day 24: Sleep?

Day 25: Time

Day 26: Decide what to be

Day 27: Happy Birthday Mom!

Day 28: Recovery

Day 29: Expectations

Day 30: Real Life

Day 31: Grace